Separated at Birth: Hunk Edition

I think we’ve discovered our theme for the week. Boys, boys, boys. Let’s continue with the latest Separated at Birth post: Brad Pitt and Robert Redford.

Brad Pitt has been morphing into Robert Redford for some time now, but every time I brought it up people said I was crazy. But THEY were crazy. CAN YOU NOT SEE WITH YOUR EYES, NAYSAYERS?

Then, last May, The Daily Mail published a tidbit that totally backed me up, complete with photo comparison:

So I was vindicated and that was that. Yay! But THEN, Angie and Brad showed up at the Independent Spirit Awards last week looking like a very hot time warp:

Oh, sorry, wrong photo.

All the goss rags were saying that Brad looked like a 70’s porn star, but all I saw was Robert Redford. I mean look at him:

All he needs is a ’stache and a dirt shower and he’s the Sundance Kid.

So that’s that. I’m right (as always) and PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE backs me up. In other (hysterical) Robert Redford news, remember back when he made a movie with Cruise and Streep that no one went to see including you? Well, the goss at the time was that Streep and Redford were bailing on most of their promotional obligations because they were both so turned off and creeped out and fed up with His Majesty Tom Cruise that they refused to even be in the same room with him. Totally plausible, right? Then today, in my Redford image hunt, I came across this photo that totally confirmed it for me:

HAHAHAHAHAHA………these two could not look more irritated.

Streep: “Stop touching me, micro man, before I shove this giant corsage down your  throat.”

Cruise: “You guys are so awesome! Thanks for sitting down so I could look taller.”

Redford: “If I sit very very still, maybe he’ll forget I’m here.”

Later, cats!

Manly Monday

Let’s start this week off RIGHT, right? To put you into a good Monday mood, here is a brief retrospective/comparison of some of our favorite boys.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m wide awake now! Happy Manly Monday, everyone!

Slothy meets cute boy, hilarity neglects to ensue

Hi all - I’m just busy. My sister had a baby, my roommate’s dad had a heart attack and I’m trying to learn Spanish. That’s a lot! Until I have more time I’ll tide you over with the latest romantic folly.

Smartypants McWanker writes:

Slothy,

This may be the strangest e-mail you’ve ever received
if you’re not the Slothy I met after the concert a
couple of weeks ago. It may be, even if you are. There
aren’t many Sloths in the Boston area, so I’m taking a
chance that you’re the one. If you are, I’ve been
thinking about you and hope to reconnect. If you’re
not, I apologize for the odd intrusion.

Smarty

Slothy McCravedforattention writes:

Hi, yes, that’s me. Your email is strange and thrilling. I always assume myself to be almost totally invisible - like, in order for anyone to remember me there would have to be fisticuffs or teleportation involved. Something really dramatic. Otherwise I slip right off the brain. How have you been? I’ve been listening to Yellfire way too much since the show. I’m trying to stay away from “East to the West” so I don’t get sick of it because that would be a tragedy.

My sister had a baby yesterday!

So what’s up? Gimme the skinny.

-Slothy

Smartypants McWanker writes:

Hi Slothy. Thanks for writing back. Congratulations on
your new niece/nephew. And thanks to your parents for
giving you such an unusual name!

Just because you have a reserved personality doesn’t
mean people won’t remember you. At least it didn’t
mean it for me.

Now that I know you are the Slothy I met, I feel the
need to tell you, so you won’t feel misled, that I’m
married. That’s probably why it seemed “proper” not to
ask for your contact info when we spoke, to treat it
as a nice moment and essentially forget you. But I
haven’t. I think we have a lot in common and was sad
at the idea of never seeing you again.

Sorry for the torturous and melodramatic explanation.
I’d just like the chance to get to know you better. I
wonder if you’d like having lunch with me sometime
next week.

Smarty

Slothy McNotthatdesperate writes:

Well, it’s good that you said. And while I won’t make any assumptions about your intentions as you understand them or about your marriage, I do feel it’s safe to assume that your wife has no idea that you emailed me. And I’ve had enough of *that* noise to last me ten lifetimes.

Goodbye!

-Sloth

Ech! Ech! I speet on you!! Why are people so gross??

Cooking for the Single Sloth

You know how difficult it is to muster up the motivation to cook for yourself? Some of you don’t have this problem, but I bet most of you do. There is something sad and unfulfilling about cooking meals that require a lot of effort just so you can eat them alone. If I’m cooking for myself I want it to be simple, healthy, and something I can bang out in 20 minutes or less. Ideally, it will yield leftovers. Upon learning that The Retropolitan ate tater tots for dinner last night, I promptly sent him all of my easiest, most bachelor-friendly recipes that are good and good for you. I post them here for all of you as well.

If you have any quick, yummy recipes for busy people that you’d like to share, please leave them in the comments section. I will cook them, photograph them, eat them and review them. Maybe we can make a new page of recipes…..??

You participation is much appreciated!

Salmon:

Ingredients:
1 filet of salmon
BBQ sauce

Smother salmon in BBQ sauce and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

You can replace BBQ sauce with any other sauce or marinade.

Salad:

Lettuce
Cherry tomatoes
Gorgonzola cheese
Pine nuts
Vinaigrette

or

Lettuce
Pears
Gorgonzola
Vinaigrette

Toss and serve.

Your own shepherd’s salad:
1 cucumber
1 ripe tomato
1 sweet white onion (red onion is also ok)
rice vinegar/olive oil
salt/pepper
parsley

Chop veggies and mix them all together. Add everything else to taste. Toss.

My favorite summer salad:

2 cucumbers
2 vidalia onions
1 bunch fresh parsley
rice vinegar
olive oil
salt/pepper

Dice cucumber. Slice onions verrrrrrrrry thin. Like, paper thin. Pick parsley leaves. Throw them all together, add everything else to taste, toss.

These last two salads are always best if you let them sit over night.

Enhanced pasta sauce:
1 Sweet onion
Handful mushrooms
1 Red or green pepper or half of each
1 Clove garlic
1 Jar marinara sauce

Chop onions, mushrooms, peppers, garlic any which way. Stir fry in saucepan with olive oil until onions start to look clear. Pour in marinara sauce (1/2 the jar if you like very chunky sauce). Simmer for 10 or 15 minutes.

White wine pasta sauce:
3 Stalks celery
2 Stalks fennel
1 Sweet onion
Olive Oil/Butter
Garlic
Oregano
White wine (Vermouth is also ok)
Salt/Pepper

Chop the vegetables fine, toss in a pan with olive oil and butter, sautee for a few minutes, add salt/pepper/oregano to taste, pour in three big glops of white wine, let simmer for a few minutes while stirring, pour over a bowl of pasta.

Guess the Topic

It seems like all I write about these days are my weekends. Maybe that’s because all I do is sit around, chewing my knuckles, waiting for the weekend to arrive so that I can see the bewitchingly handsome Retropolitan. He kisses me all over and he smells good too. This weekend’s recap is in the form of a list for ease of consumption.

1. Social nice-making: we had to put off the mad snogging we were gagging for on Friday night because we had a birthday thing to go to at the Beauty Bar. The music was great (delicious 80’s pop) and the wine was terrible. The people were sweet even if they were across the board younger than me. The Retropolitan towered above the crowd, as always. Did you know he’s over a foot taller than me?

2. The Lovecraft atmosphere: we watched a bunch of Lovecraft movies including “Re-Animator” and accidentally gave ourselves the creeps, necessitating a lot of light-turning-on and too-loud-talking and sex. Goddamn Lovecraft making me have sex! It’s exasperating, I’ll tell you whut!

3. Delectables: The Retropolitan made rootbeer floats. In large glass mugs with spoons for the ice cream. There are numerous reasons why he is an awesome boyfriend and this is one of them.

4. Feats of superhuman strength: yesterday we, um, *ahem* broke the bed. Retro got up to investigate and lifted the bed (and me) into the air. With his penis. Ok, well, that’s just an assumption on my part. It was hard to see what was going on while I was being jostled around on the bed at a 70 degree angle.

5. Auditory torture: Poliziotto Superpiu. He would not. Stop. Singing it. Do you know what love is? Love is not even minding when your boyfriend gets manic about the Superpiu. Trust.

The Failure of the Sloth

Wow, guess who’s too busy for her blog these days? Slothville has turned me into a liar!

I’m all packed and ready for my weekend in New York. And that reminds me - I never told you about two weekends ago when The Retropolitan and I went to see “At Least It’s Pink” at a place called Ars Nova. It’s a one-woman cabaret-type show that is dirrrrrrrrty and hysterical and liberating and sad and bawdy and tragic and way funnier than I expected. Also, there is booze. Click on the first link and listen to a couple of the songs. But, um……….not at work. Unless you have headphones.  Here’s a rave review of the show.

Last weekend, Retro came thiiiiiiiiiiis close to getting a tattoo, met and charmed one of my best girlfriends, and cooked delumptious chili. I sat around and ate a lot and allowed him to woo me mercilessly.

This weekend we’re devoting to H.P. Lovecraft - movies and stories - and, uh…….I think we’re going to build a pillow fort to “frolick” in. Weeeeee!

I’m sorry to be lacking in substance. Between my job and my boyfriend, I can hardly keep a thought in my head! Ciao!

P.S. Notice that I am not password-protecting. I’m comin’ out!

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Oooopzzzzzzzz……

Wow, sorry everyone. I meant to update today about my supersweet weekend, but instead I did what sloths do and slept alllllllll day. It’s 5 o’clock and I just woke up!

I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, pinky swear. In the meantime, breakfast! Man, I think somebody tuckered somebody out……

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