Penny Subs In

I have this whole post in my head about celebrity meltdowns, but no time to put it together for you. Life is busy - I’m getting ready to graduate! Here’s a Penny vid for you. She’s the cutest celebrity I know!

Back By Poopular Demand

A few people have asked for more Penny-waking-up videos, so here you go - hot off the presses!

Penny waking up this morning:

Tim Gunn’s 3 a.m. Mistake

I think we all saw this coming, right?

MWAH!!

Happy Slothday

Yes, happy birthday to me. Thuuuuuuuuurty tyoooooooo. Yeah. My dad sent me this picture today of Penny and me. She looks like something I dug up in the Pet Sematary.

Two seconds later she feasted on my brain.

Have a great day everyone! Weekdays during which we will not be required to go work are ALMOST HERE!!

Morning Things

I hope you all enjoyed your family/turkey/charades time. Oh, just me with the charades? No, I don’t believe that. Welcome back to your jobs! To take the edge off, here is a round-up of interesting things I encountered on the internet this morning.

Joaquin Phoenix is an entertaining fuck-up.

You’ve probably already read this, but I had to post it anyway. I love that all the prissy goss columns started questioning Joaquin’s sanity after he got distracted by an invisible amphibian on the “Walk the Line” red carpet.

From Yahoo News via Defamer:

Out of the blue, Phoenix suddenly changed the subject, asking, “Do I have a large frog in my hair?”

Reporter: No, no.

Phoenix: “Something’s crawling out of my scalp.”

Reporter: No, you look great.

Phoenix: “No, but I feel it. I’m not worried about the looks. I’m worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten. … What did you ask me?”

So now he’s had to put all these rumors of drug use and insanity to rest. Which is silly, really, because we all know he’s a raging vegan lunatic with a chip on his shoulder and I don’t think any of us have a problem with that. A show of hands. Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so.

Next up: This post on CuteOverload made me Google “Coot Feet” because what the eff are those things under the water???

Turns out coots have krazy lobed feet which are muy coolio.

Check out the talons at the end, too. Eep!

The Fug Girls hate this dress:

And while I’ll admit it’s unconventional and a bit loud and is not in any way helped by those bubblegum shoes peeking out below, I’m sort of loving this dress. Does this mean I’m contracting the fug? I don’t know. I’m putting myself on fug watch until further notice.

And finally, your random cool thing of the week via Boing Boing: Rusty Angler Fish

Link.

Later!

LOLSLOTH

Slothy meets cute boy, hilarity neglects to ensue

Hi all - I’m just busy. My sister had a baby, my roommate’s dad had a heart attack and I’m trying to learn Spanish. That’s a lot! Until I have more time I’ll tide you over with the latest romantic folly.

Smartypants McWanker writes:

Slothy,

This may be the strangest e-mail you’ve ever received
if you’re not the Slothy I met after the concert a
couple of weeks ago. It may be, even if you are. There
aren’t many Sloths in the Boston area, so I’m taking a
chance that you’re the one. If you are, I’ve been
thinking about you and hope to reconnect. If you’re
not, I apologize for the odd intrusion.

Smarty

Slothy McCravedforattention writes:

Hi, yes, that’s me. Your email is strange and thrilling. I always assume myself to be almost totally invisible - like, in order for anyone to remember me there would have to be fisticuffs or teleportation involved. Something really dramatic. Otherwise I slip right off the brain. How have you been? I’ve been listening to Yellfire way too much since the show. I’m trying to stay away from “East to the West” so I don’t get sick of it because that would be a tragedy.

My sister had a baby yesterday!

So what’s up? Gimme the skinny.

-Slothy

Smartypants McWanker writes:

Hi Slothy. Thanks for writing back. Congratulations on
your new niece/nephew. And thanks to your parents for
giving you such an unusual name!

Just because you have a reserved personality doesn’t
mean people won’t remember you. At least it didn’t
mean it for me.

Now that I know you are the Slothy I met, I feel the
need to tell you, so you won’t feel misled, that I’m
married. That’s probably why it seemed “proper” not to
ask for your contact info when we spoke, to treat it
as a nice moment and essentially forget you. But I
haven’t. I think we have a lot in common and was sad
at the idea of never seeing you again.

Sorry for the torturous and melodramatic explanation.
I’d just like the chance to get to know you better. I
wonder if you’d like having lunch with me sometime
next week.

Smarty

Slothy McNotthatdesperate writes:

Well, it’s good that you said. And while I won’t make any assumptions about your intentions as you understand them or about your marriage, I do feel it’s safe to assume that your wife has no idea that you emailed me. And I’ve had enough of *that* noise to last me ten lifetimes.

Goodbye!

-Sloth

Ech! Ech! I speet on you!! Why are people so gross??

Guilty Friday

Guhmorning!!

Last night I went on a GUILTY PLEASURES iTunes shopping spree and bought “…Baby One More Time” and “Oops!…I Did It Again” by Britney, “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC, “I Want It That Way” by Backstreet Boys and “Genie In A Bottle” by Christina Aguilara.

I remain unashamed!!

But then iTunes was all, “Here are your recommendations - based on your purchase history, you will LOVE the Spice Girls! And Mandy Moore! And Hanson!” I was so offended, all “Fuck you iTunes! I’m NOT LIKE THAT! I’m COOL!”

Today I’m thinking of going after some old hairband goodies like “When the Children Cry” by White Lion, “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White and “She’s Only Seventeen” by Winger and “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. Hey, was W a popular glamrock letter in the early 90’s or what?

I’ve already stocked up on Journey’s greatest hits, Huey Lewis and the News, Pat Benetar, Genesis, Skid Row, Guns N’ Roses, Def Leppard, etc. It’s down to one-hit wonders now. Any suggestions?

Finally, Defamer brought my attention to this awesome Top Ten list of Japanese commercials featuring American celebrities. They will make you shudder with shame until you remember that Michael J. Fox made 50 bajillion dollars to clip hedges in a faggy hat and get chased around by a fat lady. Fuck it, I’d do for 5 bajillion dollars, easy.

Have a prosh weekend!

Theme change already, Gosh!

So, what the crap? This blog used to be about me but that’s clearly not working out. I live and breathe my dog every single day. It’s all Penny all the time around here. Sofuggit. I’m changing the theme of this blog!

From now on it’s Penny’s Adventures in Slothville. With a little celebgoss thrown in here and there, I imagine.

First up: Please read the ballad of Penny and Elke here.

And yes, that is my name because, really, who cares? What’s the big secret all about? I’m not talking about sex or work or sex work or work sex so I don’t see the point of keeping my name a secret anymore.

And here is a weedio of Penny waking up this morning. Try not to die from the cute.

Snacking……

Sometimes, at 3 a.m., standing in the guilty glow of the refrigerator light, I wonder what a coroner would make of my stomach contents were I found bludgeoned in a dumpster the next morning.