Slow Adventures in Slothville

June 17, 2004


Filed under: Boys, Family, Photography, Politics, Slothyness — shhville @ 12:19 pm

1. Ack!!! Today is even hotter. My skin is slipping off. By the time I finished blowdrying my hair this morning, I needed another shower. And yet, soppingly disgusting as it is outside, I am sitting here in my office with my space heater on. I know it's wrong. I know that. But the temperature range within which I am comfortable is so wee. It requires constant maintenance.

2. So this weekend is Portland Pride and I will be attending the Pier Dance on Saturday night. Hopefully there will be more photographic opportunities. I'm going to wear my pink "boob shirt" for maximum exposure. There is nothing like being complimented by a bunch of gorgeous men who have no ulterior motives. Very good for the ego. The trip is also a flimsy excuse to visit my Mamacita who is always amenable to a little Daughtercita time.

3. This is a picture of a Softhead. There are no two alike. My household has three. They can be purchased at Ferdinand on Congress Street in Portland, Maine.

4. There is a guy who works at the Trader Joe's in my neighborhood who has eyes like Rutger Hauer. He would be cute except for the creepy, ice-white eyes and the fact that he can't seem to dress himself in anything other than jeans and a dirty sweatshirt. He makes (ice-white) eyes at me when I shop there. Here's the thing he's a FAKE SHOPPER. He's like an undercover spy, walking around with a basket, never checking out, just walking around waiting for someone to try to steal something. And he thinks we don't know! WE KNOW YOU WORK THERE, CREEPY-EYE MAN. I am tempted to stick a bunch of grapes down my pants just so he'll catch me and then I can OUT him.

5. On the Bill O'Reilly show two nights ago (yes, sometimes I watch for a few seconds – it's sort of like running out into traffic for quick adrenaline rush) The Blotch (Mr. O'Reilly) was interviewing The Newt (Gingrich) and The Newt said, in all seriousness and with The Blotch nodding vigorously in agreement, that the only reason Michael Moore's new movie won the Palm D'or at Cannes was that the festival takes places in France (oh, really, Newt?) and the French are anti-American, and "Fahrenheit 9/11" was the most anti-American movie that debuted there. Those pesky French! Yay for the "No-Spin Zone!"

6. As mentioned in comments, The Prince of Darkness has, by general consensus, been stripped of his title and will now be referred to as The Reaper. Dubya has also been stripped of this title and will now be referred to as The Chimp (which is still better than he deserves).



  1. OK, but I’m confused. Does that mean you’ve dated The Chimp too? Oh, Sloth… You can do better. Even the Newt would be a step up. 😉

    Comment by Michael — June 17, 2004 @ 1:19 pm

  2. I want a softhead. I don’t what they are exactly, and I live in Wyoming so the chances of my ever actually getting one are slip, but that’s just silly. I still want a softhead.

    Sloth–I think we need some more explination on the joys of softheadness.

    1. It’s cold in Wyoming. But then again, it’s always cold in Wyoming.

    2. Damn you. I guess going down to San Deigo on Monday to see Drag Kings perform is comperable to Portland Pride but still, damn you. *grin* Must have lots of pictures to compensate!

    3. (I put my response to 3 above cause that’s more important than the others)

    4.(a) The library I used to work at had a regular who, I swear, looked just like Christopher Lambert from Highlander. Weird and creepy as well.
    (b) Do you really want Creepy Eyed Man to go rummaging through your pants in search of grapes?

    5. All things Fox are bad.

    6. Wahoooooooo. (Don’t really have anything witty to say to that, so I’m just going to make random noises. Mmmmmkay? Good.)

    Comment by Nerdygirl — June 17, 2004 @ 2:29 pm

  3. I have grapes in my pants now.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 17, 2004 @ 2:34 pm

  4. Michael – ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Imagine if one of the dalliances was nicknamed The Newt? Small, slimy… Let’s hope The Dart is as bad as it gets in that department. Ok, now I’m just being dirty. Pardon me.

    Abra –
    1. Wyoming….that’s somewhere in the middle isn’t it? I’ve only been on the edges of the United States, never anywhere in the middle. This climate info you have provided is interesting as I always that the middle was just some sort of toxic lava soup. But you live there so obviously I was wrong.
    2. Pictures will be posted for your edification.
    3. If you would like a softhead I will be happy to acquire one for you this weekend while I’m in Portland and mail it to you.
    4. Very very very very good point. Hadn’t thought of that.
    5. Except for Red Foxx.
    6. Don’t really have anything to say so I’m just going to say exclamation points. !!!!!!!

    Dastard – CHOMP!!!

    Comment by Sloth — June 17, 2004 @ 2:48 pm

  5. Oh, yeah. I forgot…hooray for boob-shirts.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 17, 2004 @ 3:03 pm

  6. And moob-shirts. Are you wearing yours today, Dastard?

    Comment by Sloth — June 17, 2004 @ 3:07 pm

  7. Wyoming is commonly referred to as “that square state” cause, well we are. While there is actual land to walk on, and miles and miles of desert I would not be surprised if there was toxic lava soup underneath.

    Sloth–email me. Goodness, I’m a dork.

    Comment by Nerdygirl — June 17, 2004 @ 3:14 pm

  8. So is The Dastard but you will be hard-pressed to get him to admit it. So am I for that matter but I am a rarer species: Dorkus pinkhattus, as you can see from my picture.

    Comment by Sloth — June 17, 2004 @ 4:14 pm

  9. I’ll not comment on the politics (as I live in the South and we are required to be Conservative Republicans, much like you Bostonians must be Liberal Democrats), except to say that I used to see The Newt regularly at restaurants in Buckhead and he does look small and slimy. Wow that was quite a long sentence.

    And you guys know nothing about the heat until you live in the shadow of the Weather Channel. I think they make their own atmosphere just so they have something to report. Their reporters are melting in their parking lot.

    Also, yea for boob shirts.

    Comment by Ehlers — June 17, 2004 @ 4:31 pm

  10. See? Even Republicans think The Newt is icky. He is universally reviled. Ehlers, I am appreciative of the fact that you would comment here with such politeness considering that we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.

    I live in New England and I complain about the heat all the time. I know I don’t know from hot, but I can’t help it. It’s always muggy heat. It makes my fur all damp and matted and it’s very difficult for a sloth to dangle from trees with sweaty paws.

    I also applaud boob shirts, but I feel compelled to point out that you may find yourself reconsidering your stance on this issue when your daughter hits puberty. Just a thought.

    Comment by Sloth — June 17, 2004 @ 5:18 pm

  11. Ok, I just felt creepy like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. But my daughter is not even two, so I think I have a few more years of ogling girls in Boob shirts before I have to worry that one of them is my daughter’s friend.

    Comment by Ehlers — June 25, 2004 @ 5:01 pm

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