Slow Adventures in Slothville

June 24, 2004

Narcissus Down Under

Filed under: Photography, Politics, Slothyness — shhville @ 10:08 am

Final post before vacation – this is a very silly picture that I took of myself at 2 o'clock this morning just before tumbling into bed. If Vader can do it, so can I! You all behave yourselves while I'm gone. I don't want to come back to find any of you bloggers married to each other or knocked up or nursing hangovers. I have booked those activities exclusively for myself this week.

A couple of tidbits. Was watching The Daily Show last night and they showed a snippet of The Chimp at a press conference saying, "The Prime Minister brought up the Abu Gareff………………situation…." The WHAT situation, Mr. Chimp? Jon Stewart pointed out that when the Commander in Chief can't even remember the name of the prison at the center of the prisoner abuse scandal, it just kinda seems like he doesn't…really…give a shit.

On a non-political note, remember the FAKE SHOPPER with the Rutger Hauer eyes that I wrote about a little while back? Well, I disdained him because I thought his job was stupid and a waste of time and I was sick of him making googly eyes at me when I went in there. Well, he caught someone the other day. Young Asian woman, looked totally normal, but he stopped her on her way out the door and then the cops came. So now I feel bad in two ways. One, it turns out his job is not so much stupid as…not-stupid. Two, perhaps he's making eyes at me and following me around the store for a completely different reason than I thought… Do I look untrustworthy? Look at me – do I?

Well, let's hope airport security doesn't think so. Y'all be good. (Yeah, right.) I'm out.



  1. Dude, you’re totally suspect. You are one of the more sketchy sloths I know and are one of the seven deadly sins after all.

    I saw the DS last night. Is it cliche to say “what a fucking idiot.” It was just the mispronunciation, it was that big yokel pause he had trying to tie the only 2 wits he ownns together.

    Who’s the guy with the beatdown blog. That Steve Irwin could use one. I know you agree. Krikey!

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 24, 2004 @ 10:48 am

  2. Wait, where are you going? I don’t remember a formal request being posted…

    Anyway, everyone looks sketchy at 2am, everyone in boston looks sketchy 24/7… kidding, there’s a good 1/2 hour where you can find someone normal.

    Thanks for the get well note, bring me back a sombrero.

    Comment by The Dave — June 24, 2004 @ 11:13 am

  3. You’re hysterical swee’pea, love your stuff, gotta link ya. I don’t think Rutger Hauer is sizing you up because he thinks you might be helping yourself to some free merchandise, at least, that’s not the ONLY reason he ogles. 😉

    Comment by CountChocula — June 24, 2004 @ 12:26 pm

  4. Sloth – you are just adorable! I’d ogle ya…=)
    And your blog is fucking hilarious…I tried to comment yesterday but there was some sort of major malfunction…
    Now I’m tempted to put up my pic…if only for a few days.
    Have a great trip!

    Comment by Varla — June 24, 2004 @ 1:04 pm

  5. You think i’m a smart peep… that’s groovy, papaya is on its way.

    Comment by The Dave — June 24, 2004 @ 2:20 pm

  6. I can’t believe I’m commenting to comments. I SO don’t have time for this. Sloths are slow and ponderous, yes, but we are also terrible procrastinators. I have so much to do before I leave, I’m paralyzed just thinking about it. And also, as mentioned, blogging is crack. And crack is whack!

    Dastard – in all seriousness, that pause was almost painful, it was so long. It was like you could see the rusty wheels turning sloooowly around in his simian brain as he tried to come up with the word “situation” and avoid saying the word “torture.”

    I am a deadly sin and if I run into Steve Irwin down under, he’s going to find out just how deadly I am. “Roight!! As you can see, Oim just sneaking up behoind this bloke and Oim roight about to stick my claws roight up ‘is bum!!”

    Dave – when’s the half hour? I’ll set my watch. I don’t think they do sombreros in Oz but I’ll bring you back Steve Irwin’s head if I can find him.

    Count – I have been to your site a few times but have not commented…yet. Thanks for visiting me!

    Varla – VARLA!! Let me tell you something, darling. I lived in the lesbian capital of America (Northampton, MA) for a year and a half and NOT ONE lesbian ever asked me out or even looked at me sideways. Why? Why? It was like I was stuck in this force field that made me completely invisible to anyone other than straight men! Thank you for restoring my faith. I read your blog all the time and you defy definition (actually, isn’t that what your post is about today?) but one thing’s for sure – you aren’t a straight man. So thank you for saying you would ogle me. I feel disproportionately jolly about it.

    Comment by Sloth — June 24, 2004 @ 2:22 pm

  7. Yah wicked smaht, Dave. Feed me. (Jay’s a bad boss anyway. He totally ignores me. I feel like a minion without an evil master.)

    Shut up, Dastard.

    Comment by Sloth — June 24, 2004 @ 2:30 pm

  8. Sloth! My li’l ginger snap! I’ve been too busy to post anything new and had to stop wasting time commenting on others’ posts (and debating whether I’m a “shower” or a “grower”)… until I saw your pic and realized I’m gonna miss my baby’s cutie-patootie Sloth-mama fix. Have a nice trip, and I’ll getcha the Sopranos on DVD for when you get back. Ciao, bella!

    Comment by Michael — June 24, 2004 @ 3:12 pm

  9. Ah! I’m thrilled that you’re jolly…dork, I’m a dork. And thanks, “defy definition”…wow. I’m jolly now too. Those silly lesbians don’t know what they’re missing, clearly! You’re just a total cutie. Have a great vacation…and if you can skewer Steve Erwin, we’ll all need to know right away…=)

    Comment by Varla — June 24, 2004 @ 3:17 pm

  10. I’m sorry Sloth. I have no positions for minions at this time. I’ve filled all available openings.


    Oh, and stop blogging.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 24, 2004 @ 4:28 pm

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    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 24, 2004 @ 4:29 pm

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    Comment by Avuncular 1 — June 24, 2004 @ 4:29 pm

  13. Again,

    Hope you enjoy your trip!!
    should be lots of fun, cant wait to hear about it!!
    im sure the weather will rock your socks, and not suck at all!!..anywys, hjust let loose and have fun!!

    Comment by steve — June 24, 2004 @ 4:47 pm

  14. Dont leave us! How can we discuss addiction to masturbation without you?

    -I love your picture, your one hot vixen.

    Dont be gone too long, life blogging wont be the same without you.

    Luv ya grrrl!

    Comment by Vadergrrrl — June 24, 2004 @ 5:03 pm

  15. holyshit, you’re gorgeous! fuck jazz, i want sloth!

    Comment by Jay — June 24, 2004 @ 6:04 pm

  16. Michael – I’m so glad you have your blogaddiction under control. I, on the other hand, seem to be in a downward spiral. I’m going to be in your airport for three hours tomorrow. I’ll give you a wee shout out. You won’t hear it, but I’ll do it anyway.

    Varla – yeah, rilly! Stupid sloth-ignoring lesbians! Oops, I didn’t really mean that. I am a bigger dork than you. The Dastard can confirm this.

    Fuck you Dastard!! You’re such a Dastard!

    Hello, Steve-the-Optimist. Actually, it’s winter in Oz right now but Sloths much prefer the cold to the hot. So, yes, I imagine the weather will treat me well. But Sloths don’t wear socks. Take care.

    Vader – yes, your last post was met with many enthusiastic comments. Everyone wants to talk about their naughty bits, it would seem. Including me, it would seem. If any debauchery occurs “down under” I will be sure to let you know. And thank you – right back atcha!

    Jay, I’m sorry but you’ll have to duke it out with Michael.

    Comment by Sloth — June 24, 2004 @ 7:42 pm

  17. Sloth, you’re awesome!!!! Have a great time in OZ, I am sooooo jealous. The lesbians are obviously overcome by your beauty. The Rutger Hauer guy may be sizing you up for several reasons, perhaps to see if he has a chance??? You did say it was the Lesbian Capital…

    Comment by Inanna — June 24, 2004 @ 9:04 pm

  18. have a great time sloth chick you. 🙂

    Comment by KinkyPugKevin — June 25, 2004 @ 7:15 am

  19. Are you really coming back knocked up? Love the daily show, on Letterman yesterday, they started “the bush stories.” They showed him giving a speech, and he was pausing every other word. Different speech, but don’t they all sound like that?

    Comment by Jamie — June 25, 2004 @ 9:56 am

  20. Definitely silly lesbians. I’m linking you by the way. Can you feel the love?

    Comment by Varla — June 25, 2004 @ 3:20 pm

  21. Well remember your security line etiquette. And no overalls.

    Comment by Ehlers — June 25, 2004 @ 5:08 pm

  22. Are you really coming to australia? We rock. I know that no one from overseas goes to Perth unless they get seriously lost, but we have great beaches. Anyway, have a ball

    Comment by sarahred — June 26, 2004 @ 5:00 am

  23. I come home, and you leave…bugger. Have fun babe, and come back with plenty of stories and pics.

    Comment by Nerdygirl — June 26, 2004 @ 3:17 pm

  24. Welcome to Crackland! It’s so addictive.

    Comment by bunny — June 26, 2004 @ 6:53 pm

  25. socks.,,ok!!

    Just made a link,
    to your blog. ‘In Slothville’
    (at top of second list).
    so more of us can enjoy –
    your writing.

    Comment by steve — June 27, 2004 @ 6:01 pm

  26. Oh Sloth, I’m sure you’re having a wonderful time down under, but I wish you’d get back soon! I’m confident that I speak for many when I say We Miss You!

    Comment by Aimee — June 28, 2004 @ 11:48 pm

  27. Hope you have a good time down under. You’ll stay away from that Ayers Rock, though, or you’ll be the one coming back knocked up!

    I’m loving your blog by the way.

    Comment by John — June 29, 2004 @ 4:04 am

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