Slow Adventures in Slothville

July 8, 2004

How to Waste Taxpayer Money

Filed under: Politics — shhville @ 10:19 am

Good morning boys and girls – today I'm going to tell you a little story about election year politics. I'll try to keep it short. So there's this bill, see? It's about corporate litigation and it's aimed at preventing settlements in which the plaintiffs wind up with coupons or some other paltry nonsense from the company they sued while their lawyers walk away with millions and millions of dollars. It's a popular bill. Senate Republicans like because it because the huge corporations in whose pockets they reside like it. Senate Democrats like it because in a way it is also aimed at helping people who are legitimately suing companies for wrongdoing. So everybody likes it and everybody wants to vote for it.

And here's where it all goes to shit. Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist (we'll just call him The Maggot from here on out) has prevented any amendments from being tacked onto this bill. Here's how the amendment-tacking-on-thing works (if you already know this feel free to skip ahead) when there is a bill in the senate that is popular and expected to pass, senators from both parties traditionally tack amendments onto it that don't really have anything to do with the actual bill, but that are favored by at least a small majority. So, for instance, on the litigation bill a Republican senator was planning to add an amendment regarding immigration laws and a Democratic senator was planning to add an amendment regarding welfare. There were many more but I won't list them all. These amendments are not relevant to the bill in question but enough senators would be willing to vote for them that they can be tacked onto the bill without a fuss – and this is how the senate works. There is compromise and haggling and that is how laws get passed.

Except, in this case, The Maggot took to the floor and declared that only five "relevant" amendments from each team would be considered. The word "relevant" is tricky. What it means is that the amendment has to specifically apply to corporate litigation. In other words, he changed the rules. Both Republicans and Democrats complained loud and long. So The Maggot, in his wisdom, changed his mind and decided that all amendments would be considered.

And then he proceeded to fill every available slot with an amendment of his own making.

Why did he do this? Let me explain it to you. He did it because he doesn't want his own party to publicly take a stand on issues like immigration and welfare in an election year because their stand SUCKS ASS and is CRUEL and that might not go over well with a whole bunch of people who are Republican because they don't know any better. Although, in my opinion, anyone who is planning on voting Republican MUST already know that they couldn't care less about anyone but themselves and not give a shit.

What it all boils down to, folks, is that we have been paying our senators to dick around FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK with a popular bill that should have passed and now will not because The Maggot has pulled out the rug from beneath his own legislative body. That's your tax dollars at work, people. God bless the USA. Posted by Hello



  1. This is not the post I expected but it is very welcome, and enlightening (but not surprising). I really don’t have anything to add so I won’t try, but for those that want to refute it, please address the facts with facts and not “oh, it’s just left-wing spin.”

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 8, 2004 @ 10:39 am

  2. I hate them all. God-damned sadists.

    Comment by Aimee — July 8, 2004 @ 11:13 am

  3. I think I learned more from that post than I did after two years of grad school… my last memorable lesson about how politics works was from Schoolhouse Rocks, I loved when the Bill is all depressed and sitting on the stairs of the senate… yup, then i took a sabatical for 20 years until I just read your blog.

    I’m in the wrong profession…

    Comment by The Dave — July 8, 2004 @ 11:33 am

  4. Educational, enlightening, entertaining…
    and infuriating. I agree with the Dave, but this twisted side of our so-called democratic process makes me think of the Simpsons’ parody of Schoolhouse Rock — “I’m an amendment to be.”

    [Little Boy] But what if they say you’re not good enough to be in the constitution?
    [Amendment] Then I’ll crush all opposition to me!
    And I’ll make Ted Kennedy pay
    If he fights back, I’ll say that he’s gay.

    Comment by Michael — July 8, 2004 @ 2:34 pm

  5. btw, re: your earlier post, didn’t you know I was circling Logan airport last week, pulling up the Qantas terminal, yelling “Sloooooooth!” Sorry I missed you.

    Comment by Michael — July 8, 2004 @ 2:38 pm

  6. I’m so glad I’ve found your blog…I think I love you…I completely agree!

    and I’m cracking up about your comments on the other post about dating the guy for two weeks before you found out he was a Republican {shudder}…yep, I’d steer clear too! I recently had some hard-core Republican’s link to my blog (in a nice way), and now I’m trying to figure out just how to be um, er..diplomatic with them. I just choose to hit the little ‘x’ in the corner & move on LOL.

    Comment by PunkAssBitch — July 8, 2004 @ 3:08 pm

  7. I want to kick them–kick them all.

    Of course, I am writing about comic books so that might explain the current…well, violent…mood.

    Comment by Nerdygirl — July 8, 2004 @ 5:03 pm

  8. No one will bother to refute this one Dastard, I’m surprised people even read it or commented since it’s not about sex or masturbation or cock-sucking or blah blah blah.

    Aimee – it helps to give them nicknames. So far we have The Chimp and The Maggot. Let’s work on a list, shall we? Name-calling may be juvenile but so is taking money away from poor people and that doesn’t stop THEM, now does it?

    Dave – we’re sitting in cubes. Of COURSE we’re in the wrong profession. If we were in the right profession we’d be kayaking down the Colorado river for a living. Or something. Glad you learned a thing or two, smart guy. I figured you knew all about this garbage.

    Michael – it wasn’t your fault you missed me, my plane was late. We should have solidified getting-sloth-home plans.

    You guys – it’s up to us to educate ourselves about this stuff. I don’t feel like I have any right to be angry and stomp my feet unless I know what I’m talking about. We need to CARE! We need to YELL! And most of all, we need to VOTE!!!

    PAB – there are some Republicans around here that I like. Ehlers being one. He’s polite, we avoid the topic of politics, and we don’t rankle each other. There are others that I CANNOT STAND. But I won’t name names. Some people just think they’re soooo pretty…

    There is even a site that I visit once in a while that talks about God and Christianity a lot. I’m an atheist, but this guy is respectful and curious about his own beliefs so he interests me instead of making me want to wring his neck. Abra, you know who I’m talking about.

    Oh, hi Abra. Have you read The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay? By Michael Chabon? I think you might like it…won a Pulitzer and everything…

    Comment by Sloth — July 8, 2004 @ 6:48 pm

  9. I agree with the earlier comment that I have nothing to add – but as always, well stated. Funny, I thought about Schoolhouse Rock when I was reading it, too.

    Comment by lucidkim — July 8, 2004 @ 8:05 pm

  10. Sidebar!
    I concur that Kavalier & Clay is an excellent book. Well worth the read.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 8, 2004 @ 9:46 pm

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