Slow Adventures in Slothville

July 12, 2004

In Search Of…

Filed under: Whateverall — shhville @ 11:36 am

I stalked it for weeks before I finally caught up with the beast. The heat was unbearable. Toward the end, every movement took a strength I didn't know I had. The underbrush was slick and filled with angry insects. Each night I laid my exhausted body down in the squirming the mud and covered myself with banana leaves for camouflage. I tracked it by its footprints and by its smell – a combination of ice cream, musk and mischief. Sometimes I would come upon the place it had bedded down for the night only hours after it had left. I wanted so badly to collapse into its temporary nest, the mugginess and exhaustion were overwhelming. But I kept going, camera at the ready. I had to prove to the world that this mythical beast really did exist.

I only found the beast by accident, in the end. It had been distracted by the smell of a deep fryer, perhaps in a nearby village. It was standing in a clearing, a look of deep desire on its face. With my remaining strength, I crawled quietly toward it on all fours. At the very last second, however, it spotted me. At that moment, it showed me "the hand" and bounded away, no doubt to lurk in the wilderness for decades before it is spotted again. If only I had had my pistola at hand, I could have brought back its hide. As it is, I will have to content myself with this tiny shred of proof.

Anyone care to guess what this creature is? Posted by Hello



  1. Krispy Kreme Doughnuts?
    Love your travel stories, keep them coming. Its a nice escape.

    Comment by Vadergrrrl — July 12, 2004 @ 11:43 am

  2. The dastard? could be mike though… the Pentax camera strap is kindof revealing… doubt it’s any Southie scalping red sox tickets.

    Comment by The Dave — July 12, 2004 @ 11:52 am

  3. Oh man, it is the Dastard. When I hold my mouse pointer over the pic, the link says eldastardo! Ok, hand, eyes, hat, Soon the whole blogging comunity will know his face. Oh, Why can’t I get some face!!!!

    Comment by Jamie — July 12, 2004 @ 1:21 pm

  4. Dastard!!! And yes Slothy my love, I will be staying away from your slothy ass. 🙂

    Comment by fleece — July 12, 2004 @ 1:29 pm

  5. Krispy Kremes….You have Krispy Kremes without driving hundreds of miles? Ok so I exaggerate a bit but as Wyoming has no Krispy Kremes without a journey into Colorado…I am now insanely jealous. Or is that hunger? I don’t know…this is me stopping the talking.

    Comment by Mandy — July 12, 2004 @ 1:42 pm

  6. Damn! I revealed it by naming the file!! I suck. Yes, it’s the Dastard. He’s a sneaky beast.

    Our Krispy Kreme place is new, I think. Is it new, Dastard? Where is it? Sloths don’t like sweet things, so I haven’t paid attention to the location.

    Comment by Sloth — July 12, 2004 @ 1:51 pm

  7. Actually I sleuthed that without seeing the file name… I’m just THAT good. Honestly though, I’m not a big fan of donuts, something about deep fried fat that just isn’t appealing, spray some extra lard and cholestoral on mine please… I’ll stick to bagels.

    Comment by The Dave — July 12, 2004 @ 2:25 pm

  8. Oh, it’s not Elvis? That would make sense, workin’ at a donut shop. Krispy Kremes are made with a hunka hunka sugar and stores are poppin’ up everywhere, including Memphis, Boston… Even… in the ghetto!

    Comment by Michael — July 12, 2004 @ 2:26 pm

  9. Ooh, I’m so confused! Dastard & the Sloth actually know each other? Yikes, my world just turned upside down. Weirdness. Insanity. Must.find.Krispy.Kreme.soon…

    Comment by Aimee — July 12, 2004 @ 2:30 pm

  10. The ghetto being the Dastard’s natural habitat, of course. I shuddered to enter it, but in the end it was worth the risk. (Um, the Dastard is under the impression that he is, if not Elvis, at least to be deified like Elvis. Please don’t disillusion him, he can be very unpredictable.)

    I agree, Dave. No donuts, no lard, thanks anyway. I have no sweet tooth. When I crave snacks I crave weird things like kim chee and jalapeno-stuffed olives. But I do love cherries. They are my favorite fruit. No, I’m not being dirty.

    Comment by Sloth — July 12, 2004 @ 2:36 pm

  11. Ah, the truth has officially come out, Aimee. The Dastard and I have been friends for years. I can’t get rid of him. He’s such a DASTARD!!!

    Comment by Sloth — July 12, 2004 @ 2:38 pm

  12. Ummm, counting money, one, two, two and five cents…Damn! I’ll never get any face!!!! Help me out fleece!

    Comment by Jamie — July 12, 2004 @ 2:50 pm

  13. Too bad for you, Jamie! The Dastard is totally hot…according to him, anyway.

    Dave, how DID you sleuth that out?

    Comment by Sloth — July 12, 2004 @ 2:57 pm

  14. This post has been removed by the author.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 12, 2004 @ 3:22 pm

  15. This post has been removed by the author.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 12, 2004 @ 3:23 pm

  16. I always said I loved a man in uniform, but this…. hmmmm interesting….
    Luv ya Sloth!

    Comment by Vadergrrrl — July 12, 2004 @ 3:39 pm

  17. Vader – he has sticky fingers for you to lick.

    Dastard, why did you delete your comment? It was funny.

    Comment by Sloth — July 12, 2004 @ 3:42 pm

  18. I didn’t do it on purpose. It was fucking blogger again.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 12, 2004 @ 3:51 pm

  19. I SAID…..

    I totally don’t know what you are talking about Sloth. I’ve totally never seen you before in my entire life starting an hour and a half ago.

    Fleece: Regarding Sloth Ass….Wise choice my friend, wise choice.

    Hey y’all. The clues were there all along, but the mystery was not on purpose. We didn’t know any better.

    MMMMMM….doughnut. Can’t beat deep-fried cake. Sloth likes sour and spicy, and I like sweet things. Hence our friendship.

    I AM wicked hot. Sloth isn’t too shabby either.

    MY underbrush is slick and filled with angry insects.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 12, 2004 @ 3:56 pm

  20. I had an inkling of an established friendship… the camera strap and the Krispy Kreme hat in July was the clincher though… I mean, who else be a Dastard would wear that gettup?

    oh, and I would like to emphasize how I am g-d’s gift to women first and foremost…

    Comment by The Dave — July 12, 2004 @ 4:13 pm

  21. “I AM wicked hot”

    I call. Prove it hot stuff.

    Comment by Anonymous — July 12, 2004 @ 4:53 pm

  22. Anonymous, I am not anonymous! Why, I defy anyone to say I am anonymous! I am perhaps synonymous. But I have never been Anonymous! Anyhow, I wrote above!

    Comment by Jamie — July 12, 2004 @ 4:59 pm

  23. Mmmmm hot sticky fingers…. I like sticking stikcy hot things in my mouth and sucking…. slow, long, and ummm yeah the creame…..

    Okay, Im there…

    Comment by Vadergrrrl — July 12, 2004 @ 6:13 pm

  24. OK, quicky question. Is he at Jays Party all decked out with FACE??? Or have I been bamboozled????

    Comment by Jamie — July 12, 2004 @ 6:55 pm

  25. Very clever post – I enjoyed it. We have a Krispy Kreme here, I know it has been here since the 1970s at least. And I love them when they are hot and fresh, but I usually avoid that much sugar. I had figured out the Dastard and the Sloth knew each other. I didn’t know the Dastard was a hottie. 🙂 But it all just makes sense, doesn’t it. 😉

    Comment by lucidkim — July 12, 2004 @ 8:07 pm

  26. Ooooo…a hand.

    Dastard – Anxiously awaiting the big toe.

    Sloth – I really love your pics, and the commentary always has me in stitches. 🙂

    Comment by CountChocula — July 12, 2004 @ 8:25 pm

  27. I thought it was one of those big octopus-things that fishermen pull out of the water occasionally, that everybody thinks is a dinosaur. But I’ve never seen one in a paper hat before.

    Post more Aussie pics! You’re very slow, even for a sloth.

    Comment by Kevin — July 12, 2004 @ 10:58 pm

  28. Bah-amm-bah-ooozzzled!

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 13, 2004 @ 9:42 am

  29. Dah amn again, also shoulda known sloth isn’t coming to Jay’s party, not even to drop you off!

    Comment by Jamie — July 13, 2004 @ 10:01 am

  30. Wow- a dastard. I heard they were endangered because some people hunt them and make stuff out of their skins, and use their bones for medicene. Some zoos even have established breeding programs for dastads, but apparently it’s quite hard to get them to breed in captivity, I wouldn’t know. Thank you for the entertaining and informative picture sloth…and I hope you liked australia because it’s my big hot home.

    Comment by sarahred — July 13, 2004 @ 10:10 am

  31. Dastard, I really don’t want to talk about your underbrush anymore. Thanks, hon.

    Dave, it’s not a getup, the hat is not actually a hat. It’s a bone growth. His skull has taken on the shape of his favorite food and broken the skin with it’s pointiness. It’s a Dastard thing. Makes some activities particularly difficult for him.

    God’s gift to women, huh? You have to duke it out with…never mind.

    Jamie – whew! Close one. You almost disappeared from the face of the earth there for a second. And you have been bamboozled. (And I don’t think I’ll be coming to Jay’s party as I am not invited. I still lurk, though. You might find me under the couch or behind the window dressing if you look around.)

    Vader – Ack!! Too early in morning for Sloth to have dirty things in sloth-brain! You KNOW sloths are nauseous in mornings to begin with!

    K – so I guess it was obvious. That’s probably good since we were not purposefully trying to be secretive, just weren’t sure what the etiquette was. We both started blogs around the same time and were…wait. Etiquette? In the blogosphere? Oh forget it, this doesn’t make any sense.

    Kevin – tell me about it. I infuriate everyone. I’m not sure who you are, but if you’re the Kevin from TJ’s place…well, that would be unprecedented.

    Sarahred – oh, what the Dastard wouldn’t give for a breeding program!! And I loved Australia. Loved it loved it loved it.

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 10:29 am

  32. Breed me.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 13, 2004 @ 10:50 am

  33. Gag me.

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 11:01 am

  34. Sorry for forgetting you Lovisa – thanks for the compliment! The Dastard doesn’t have toes, he has suckers.

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 11:02 am

  35. ACK!! Totally NOT what I meant at all. Sorry Kim. Yeesh, my people skills are not what they were. You and Dave are clearly of high intellectual caliber. Not kidding!

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 11:04 am

  36. Hmm. How did that end up ABOVE the comment it was about…??

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 11:05 am

  37. so if k figures it out, it must be obvious to all? is that what you’re saying? and i was feeling so clever…;) just pickin’ – i actually wasn’t 100% sure about the dastard/sloth connection – i thought maybe he was just your stalker.

    Comment by lucidkim — July 13, 2004 @ 11:06 am

  38. If you breed me, I’ll gag you.

    Comment by Avuncular 1 — July 13, 2004 @ 11:40 am

  39. You are a sick. Sick. Dastard.

    Prepare to be thrashed.

    Comment by Sloth — July 13, 2004 @ 11:55 am

  40. Your people skills are above all others. Right up there with the picture taking and writing. And you’re so pretty. And smart. My god…are you just perfect or what? 🙂

    Comment by lucidkim — July 13, 2004 @ 10:15 pm

  41. Awwwwwww……….uh oh. Soon my head will be as big as the Dastard’s. And that will NOT be pretty.

    You’re the sweetest pea.

    Comment by Sloth — July 14, 2004 @ 11:09 am

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