Slow Adventures in Slothville

April 21, 2005

Can I buy a vowel? Or a degree?

Filed under: Slothyness — shhville @ 11:35 pm

Ok, so raise your hand if you do this:

“Oh, my paper isn’t due for three weeks – that’s plenty of time! It’s an eternity! I’ll be all geriatric an’ shit – I’ll have a titanium hip before that frickin’ paper is due!”

*****

“Hmm. Paper is due in one week. Should definitely start working on it tomorrow. At least figure out what it’s supposed to be about.”

*****

*Sigh* “Paper is due in three days. Where did I put the handout? Hmmm. Seems I need a book I don’t have. Well, have all day Saturday, Sunday and Monday night. No problem!”

*****

~ring ring~

“Hello? Hi, what do you want? WHO died? Ohhhh, I’m sorry to hear that. Really sorry to hear that. Hey, you know what? I don’t really have time to talk right now. I have a gigantic paper due in two days and I don’t have time for chitchat. No chitchat! Sorry.”

“…….Hmm… I wonder if there are any Law & Order reruns on…”

“…….I think I’ll make some soup. Man, do I love soup. Haven’t made it in ages.”

*****

~ring ring~

“Hello? Hi. Why are you calling me? You know I have a paper due in a day, I don’t have time for chitchat!! Come ON!!”

“…..Ooh, ‘Road Rules/Real World Challenge’ is on! I LOVE this show!! God, Karamo is so skinny now….and I miss Ruthie……ooh, cat fight!!”

“…..Ok, I’m just going to look at eBay for ONE SECOND….”

*****

~ring ring~

“Hello? I can’t BELIEVE you’re calling me – you KNOW I have a paper due in SIX hours! I don’t have time to chitchat!!!!! NO CHITCHAT for fuck’s sake!!!”

“…..I’ll just check my email and then I’ll start. Ooh! A message from the online shoe store! And they’re having a sale!! Well, I’ll just look for ONE SECOND.”

*****

“Gah!! Ack!! Gah!!! An hour and a half!! Jesus Christ, I’m such an ASSHOLE!!” type type type type type type type type……

Yeah, you’ve all done it and you all know it. I finished my paper 15 minutes before my class. Saaaweeeet!!!!

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