Slow Adventures in Slothville

July 14, 2005

As in “Full Release?”

Filed under: Slothyness, Whateverall — shhville @ 1:21 pm

So I was watching tv last night and a commercial came on for Friendly’s.

I should preface this by saying that I was raised by hippies who gave me “fruit leather” and granola and snow peas to take to school while the other kids gnawed on their Charleston Chews and smoked their candy cigarettes and made fun of me for not knowing what fluffer nutter was. They also made fun of me for not knowing what an orgy was, but that’s another story. The point is, I don’t do restaurants like Friendly’s or Applebees or Buggerboob Creek or whatever it’s called.

I’ve never stepped foot in a KFC or a Taco Bell, although I hear they are the same thing nowadays? I’ve been to some fast food places, but only under dire circumstances and I usually just get the fries. Everything else on the menu gives me the heebie jeebies. (Although now, after seeing the special features on the “Supersize Me” dvd, I wouldn’t go near those fuckin’ fries for anything, man. Holy shit, are they gnasty.)

Anyway, the commercial showed this dad and his 6-yr-old son tv-shopping and then deciding, because they loved each other soooo much (much more than television) that they would just go to Friendly’s and spend quality time together instead. Ah. Sweet and domestic – men can be that too! Then, at the end of the commercial, the voice-over informed me that every meal at Friendly’s comes with a “happy ending sundae.”

……..excuse me?

Is ANYONE capable of hearing the phrase “happy ending” without picturing an Asian teenager giving a fat, hairy white man a handjob on a massage table? Is this just me? Am I the pervert here?

Please, someone back me up.

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