Slow Adventures in Slothville

November 14, 2005

Monday Shameful Shoe Gallery

Filed under: Shoes — shhville @ 11:09 am

It’s the beginning of a new week and time for another installment of the Shameful Shoe Gallery where we take a gander at footwear that would be better off if shoved with gusto down the garbage disposal.

These probably shouldn’t even be included in the gallery, since they are not even meant for human beings. These are leprechaun shoes. More specifically, they are leprechaun social worker shoes. If you are small and jaunty and wearing a green hat and need to know where the nearest soup kitchen is because some asshole just stole your pot of gold, chances are the person at the agency who is helping you fill out po’ folk forms is wearing these shoes.

Two words: IDENTITY CRISIS. Is it crocodile? Is it snakeskin? Is it paisley? Is it leopard print? Is it painful? Is it offensive? Is it headed for incinerator? The answer to all of these questions is: INDUBITABLY!!

When I was a kid my parents let me get a rabbit and we kept it in a hutch in the back yard. I promised I would feed it every single day but after a while I decided I don’t like rabbits so I let it starve to death in the cold. Then I shaved it, skinned it, cut off its ears and made a pair of pumps. Voila.

Awwwwwwwww. Look at the little bear. Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that just the cutest little cuddly thing with its blue fur and demure smile? Did you know that in Japan they make vibrators with that motif? Adorable!!

Let’s just say there’s more to Fred Flintstone than meets the eye….

This blingtastic boot is made by a company called “Baby Phat.” I don’t see a lot of baby fat on this boot but I sure do see a lot of shit. I think it had pureed broccoli and mommy’s jewelry box for dinner, what do you think?

For some reason, this Donald J. Pliner shoe is really, really, really suprised to see you.

The uninitiated may not be aware that designers give their shoes names. The name of this $575 shoe is “Entangled,” apparently because it got entangled in Elton John’s bowtie when Sharon Osbourne kicked him in the neck at a charity event.

Happy Monday, folks!


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