Slow Adventures in Slothville

November 30, 2005

Awesomeness!!!!!!!!!!!!

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Politics, Shoes — shhville @ 11:24 am

Not.

I bought these shoes yesterday:

They’re made by Dansko and, although you can’t tell from the photo, the heel is really beautiful. Just slightly curved inward, almost lime-shaped.

My timing is so amazingly amazing because……..!

This morning I finally went to the doctor about my coital ankle injury. I have done everything I could think of – ice, ace bandage, leverage, everything. Still, after two weeks, it remains the size of a prize-winning yam. And yes, it is sprained for real and why did I not come in sooner, yadda yadda yadda….

So now my doctor has ordered me (ordered!) off my high heels (off!!) for a month.

A MONTH.

I killed her with a tongue depressor.

Oh, AND I have to go to stoopid physical therapy so I don’t re-sprain.

She asked me if I ever injured this ankle before and I responded with a sprightly, “No!” Then, on the way home I vaguely remembered falling off a sidewalk in Paris after a lovely drag show and a nine-course meal, drunkenly waving to a stranger and collapsing into the gutter, spraining (yes, spraining!) my ankle.

And we wonder why they hate us.

At any rate, I’m wearing my Docs and bemoaning my fate and already planning on SO defying doctor’s orders, like rilly rilly soon. What, you think I’m wearing FLATS on my BIRTHDAY? Fuck you!


“Well, hey, Ah mean, if y’all didn’t want to go to war, you shoulda said somethin’ at the time! Ah mean, Ah hate ta tell ya, but Ah’m not a mind-reader. Well, hell, why’s everythang always gotta be mah fault?”

And in today’s celebrity gossip:

The mother of two of Michael Jackson’s children has reportedly said that the babies were conceived from a test tube.

An Irish publication is quoting Debbie Rowe as saying that Prince Michael Jr., 8, and Paris, 7, were both conceived using semen from a sperm bank.

“Michael knows the truth — that he is not the natural father of Prince Michael Jr. and Paris,” Rowe said, according to the Irish newspaper Sunday World. “He has to come clean.”

Well….DUHHHHH. I’ve said it before (like, eighty-seven times) and I’ll say it again, people.

HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN THAT MICHAEL JACKSON IS BLACK??

How does someone who used to look like this:

Wind up with children who look like this?

Those children are whiter than Hilary Duff’s teeth. Why do people not care that Michael Jackson has two (or three?) children in his clutches WHO ARE CLEARLY NOT HIS?? WHY? WHYYYYY???

What is it, politically incorrect to say, “Dude, you’re BLACK. Remember? Remember back when you still had a nose? Maybe you wanna tell us whose kids those are? No?”

Fucking Hollywood.

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