Slow Adventures in Slothville

September 7, 2006

Weenston and Pwoject Wunway

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom — shhville @ 3:02 pm

Ok, before you do anything else today, you have to watch my favorite internet cat, Winston, being………Winston. I have been in love with this cat and his smooshed up face for ages. I just want to share the joy.

And we have to do a little “Pwoject Wunway” recap, eh? Nothing fancy, just a few observations from memory.

So, couture, ok? Sure. They’re in Paris, have the designers make a couture dress in two days. Not that they could have given them a week (which they needed) and edited it down to the exact same amount of time, or anything. Whatever.

Jeffery won with what looked to me like a bunch of mustard-yellow boxer shorts sewn together. They were probably Vincent’s. Even Tim loved this dress. What is WRONG with these people?

Vincent is gone because he was turned on by a bottle of glue and some sofa fabric. He was also totally inappropriately turned on by Catherine Malandrino. Seriously, I was so skeeved out I had to hold my hands over my ears and hum while he practically asked permission to lick her bunghole right there on the boat. I half expected her to just jam her stiletto into his jugular and be done with it. So, he’s gone, THANK YOU. At the end he stopped to remind us that he quit his job and cashed in his 401K to do this show, blah blah blah and then had the grace to compliment “Project Runway” in general by saying the whole experience turned him on. I literally screamed. Cheers to never seeing Vincent turned on again.

Everyone in between pretty much sucked except for Uli. I liked Uli’s dress but my roommate pointed out that it’s the exact same dress she always makes except handsewn and only one color this time. The judges loved it and she totally thought she was going to win. When they announced Jeffery’s boxer short dress the winner, she looked like she’d just chipped a tooth on her own ego.

Everyone hated Kayne’s dress and, ok, it was a little over-the-top, but I mean, come on. I was expecting a sequined explosion of fuschia with a bottle cap train and instead we got this gorgeous gold bodice with an off-center back lacing and an AMAZING flow to the skirt. Nina Garcia looked at it like she was trying to keep the vomit inside her mouth. Whatever, she’s such a dragon, the dress was gorgeous.

Laura, who’s knocked up and exhausted, made this awful, whatever, I’m not even going to get into it. The model looked like she was being eaten by doilies. Enough said. The dress was so bad (Tim loved it, what the fuck?) that I was literally contorting my whole body around the living room and having a meltdown when she came thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to being eliminated. I adore Laura and don’t want her to leave, but it looks from the previews like she’s going to be riding those pregnancy hormones all the way home next week. In her defense, if it really is the Olsen twins they’re designing for, I would cry too. Those midgets wear sleeping bags and shower curtains every day and call it fashion. If Laura doesn’t have the emotional energy to devote to a toy dog for a day, she certainly can’t deal with two midgets dressed like Gandalf.

Ok, Michael’s dress – another horror. More contortions and burying my head inside the couch cushions as I was convinced it was the end for him. The bodice was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen – cinnabon boob coverings that bore no relation to where actual boobs are on a woman’s body, the whole thing just heavy and strange. But also adore Michael (don’t we all?) and WILL stiletto someone’s jugular if he doesn’t make it to the final three.

That’s it! Happy Thursday, y’all!

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5 Comments »

  1. Since I only watch the commercials, and The Soup, I need you to put their faces next to their gowns! Ack!

    But I loved that cat!

    Comment by Jamie — September 7, 2006 @ 4:07 pm

  2. Hey, Michael’s dress was not that bad… after the tucked the cinnaboobs away. I LOVED Kayne’s dress. Nina is just weird and freakishlyodd.

    Comment by Nicole — September 7, 2006 @ 5:18 pm

  3. That dress won? Weird. I actually kinda like the sofa dress, but I don’t know why.

    Winston is cute with his widdle smooshy face!

    Comment by Seth — September 7, 2006 @ 6:26 pm

  4. Frankly I think Jeffery’s dress sucked and Kayne and Uli’s were clearly on top. I didn’t have much faith in Kayne at first but given what he started with I thought he pulled it off quite well. After the suck-up that Vincent pulled I’m glad he’s fucking gone!

    Comment by Seamus — September 8, 2006 @ 7:38 pm

  5. I muted the Vincent suck-up session. Because listening to it, I was so embarassed for him that I put my hands in front of my eyes. Muted, I could pretend he was discussing the Eiffel Tower or something.

    I loved Kayne’s dress, actually. I didn’t find the bodice to be overdone, and I thought it was pretty. And I liked Michael’s as well, once the bunny ears got tucked. It wasn’t too bad even before. But Jeffrey…oh, Jeffrey, I felt like he made a couture dress out of a kilt. Fer God’s sake.

    Comment by Julie — September 11, 2006 @ 7:59 pm


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