Slow Adventures in Slothville

December 1, 2006

The Slothbel Awards

Filed under: Boys, Slothyness, Whateverall — shhville @ 5:01 pm

Today I would like to announce the winners of this hullabaloo’s Slothbel Awards.

The hullabaloo’s Slothbel Award for Putting Things in Perspective goes to Dan Tobin for his work on two succinct emails that instantly snapped me out of floundering self-hatred.

The hullabaloo’s Slothbel Award for Soulful Commiseration has two recipients: Foundme and The Retropolitan for their perspectives on their own crappy break ups.

The Slothbel Award for Terrifying Indignant Rage (TIR) goes to Bunsen for this:

oh PLEASE. you are going to have ALL KINDS of revenge fantasies. each one sicker than the last.

My favorite is the burning building with the ex and the kitten…and you can only save one…and you pick up the kitten and just GLARE at the ex…and he KNOWS…and he BEGS because he is so sorry…HEHEHE SUCK IT, ASSHOLE! c’mon kitty, let’s get out of here.

see? sick. it’s part of the healing process. and the CIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIFE!!!

and this:

his cuntassbag matches his taintstain.

fucking tool



The Slothbel Award for Finding Humor in a Crisis goes to Julie for this comment:

Wow, it’s gotta suck to be emotionally and mentally blind like Warrior Steve. Perhaps even more so than physical blindness, since emotional and mental blindness is just stupidity in disguise. Oh well, be glad you don’t have to be the fucking Miracle Worker and spend the best years of your life trying to teach that sorry motherfucker to sign the word “water.”

The Slothbel Award for Unconditional Support goes to Aimee, not just for this hullabaloo but for pretty much all the time.

And finally, the Slothbel Award for Lethal Seething on Behalf of a Friend goes to Tot, whose quiet, yet profound indignation at Weener Steve I can feel all the way from fucking Winnipeg.

All of you (including all the people not mentioned) have done all of these things and more to help your local Sloth get through a shitty time. Thanks to the Slothville community, I went from suicidal to philosophical in one single day. You guys are the best.



  1. Wow, this is the first award I’ve won since…well, damn.


    Comment by The Retropolitan — December 1, 2006 @ 5:09 pm

  2. Oh, ALSO:

    I’m glad you’re feeling better.

    Comment by The Retropolitan — December 1, 2006 @ 5:11 pm

  3. Thank you and congratulations. Here’s a meeeeeelion dollars.

    Comment by shhville — December 1, 2006 @ 5:16 pm

  4. Glad you’re feeling better. I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get an award, but I’m sure I can beat the Retropolitan next time we’re nominated in the same category.

    Comment by Vince — December 1, 2006 @ 5:19 pm

  5. I don’t think you want a ‘Soulful Commiseration’ award, Vince. It kind of implies bad things.

    Wow, I just took the luster off of THAT trophy, didn’t I?

    Comment by The Retropolitan — December 1, 2006 @ 5:21 pm

  6. You like me! You really, really like me!

    Sorry, someone had to say it.

    I’m still really proud of the award-winning comment. It’s some of my best work.

    Comment by Julie — December 1, 2006 @ 5:27 pm

  7. Oh my god you guys, nothing to do with anything, but I just found this awesome comment from David Hasselhoff:

    “I want to find myself a beautiful English girlfriend. But I don’t
    want some dumb blonde. I’d like a woman who is really intelligent. A chick who is career-orientated.”

    Line up, ladies!!!

    I’m sorry Vince, I forgot you. But you should have gotten the Hello, Reality! Award for your comment on honesty in long term relationships.

    Comment by shhville — December 1, 2006 @ 5:34 pm

  8. Oh, the hoff! Damn if I’m not English…

    Thanks for the kudos, but your the one doing all the hard stuff here. So, are these awards engraved? Do you need my mailing address?

    I almost read Julie’s award while drinking, and I would have shot it out my nose! SO FUNNY!

    Comment by Foundme — December 1, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  9. Until now, I didn’t realize that “orientate” was a real word.


    The Hoff defeats me once more.

    Comment by The Retropolitan — December 1, 2006 @ 6:45 pm

  10. First to welcome you back and offer condolences after your unexplained disappearance (which meant I was cking on you quietly but diligently for months) and what do I get? Bupkas.

    Good thing I’m not in it for the kudos. Keep your slothy chin up.

    Comment by Michael — December 1, 2006 @ 7:01 pm

  11. I always knew you liked me for my bifurcated tongue.

    Comment by Tot — December 1, 2006 @ 7:36 pm

  12. What – No award for comment that I’d be embarrassed to shit my pants? Standards here are HIGH!

    Comment by Gooch — December 1, 2006 @ 7:54 pm

  13. LOL at TOT!!!!!!

    Yay! for landing in Philosophical!

    Comment by Seamus — December 1, 2006 @ 10:53 pm

  14. hooray for my terrifying indignation!

    what do I win?

    is it an increase in dosage of my pills? i’ll bet it is!

    Comment by ESC — December 2, 2006 @ 12:26 am

  15. So, I’m totally enjoying my newfound prestige as an award winner. But not sure why everyone keeps giving me that look when I mention my award status… Maybe I should stop bragging? I bet their just jealous!

    Comment by Foundme — December 2, 2006 @ 1:27 pm

  16. Am I the only one who sees the good in this breakup?

    Sloth, any money you would have spent on a holiday gift for Steve can now be diverted into shoes! For you!

    Comment by KtP — December 3, 2006 @ 1:45 am

  17. See, this is why I like Kate. Sensible girl, there.

    Comment by Foundme — December 3, 2006 @ 2:07 pm

  18. If there’s one thing you can always count on ESC for, it’s terrifying indignant rage. She’s one I wouldn’t want to piss off, especially with her scientific knowledge and ability to combine curse words into horrifying multisylabic words.

    You’re well loved around these parts, Slothy.

    Comment by E-Lo — December 3, 2006 @ 4:35 pm

  19. Aw… ((blush)) Thanks, Sloth! I’m glad you’re in a better place in your head now.

    Comment by Aimee — December 4, 2006 @ 4:11 pm

  20. Sloth, I’m happy your claws are showing again. And if you go back to being a snivelling, snotcovered wet ball of fur from time to time, that’s OK. It’s a process. And I kinda like the contrasting imagry of NinjaSloth/SoggySloth.

    Comment by cybele — December 4, 2006 @ 7:54 pm

  21. We kick ass. Go commenters!

    Glad you’re back in Slothy action Electric Slotherella!

    Comment by Seth — December 5, 2006 @ 4:31 pm

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