Slow Adventures in Slothville

September 13, 2007

Scary Scrolldowns

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny, Shoes — shhville @ 2:12 pm

Ok, I have a tremendously upsetting issue that I need to discuss, but first off: GOOD MORNING!

Good, good. We are now fortified by the cute and can continue on to the following tragic tragedies: Scrolldowns From Hell.

Exhibit A:

Ok, I guess you don’t really have to scroll down for the disaster, the whole outfit is painful. A green sack with a cinched hem won’t look good on anyone – I don’t care if you’re Kate Moss or my grandmother. JLo could be wearing a broken umbrella and a traffic cone and look better than this. But that’s not even my problem. You KNOW what my problem is. The only way these shoes make sense is if Olive Oil got in a car accident and had to be fitted with robotic parts and then the trauma caused her to turn to sex work. Yep, these shoes would be perfect for Olive Oil Robohooker, but other than that….mmmmnuh.

Exhibit B:

Now, I wouldn’t say this to Tyra’s face, cuz that bitch will fuck a girl up, but unless her shoes have a day job in a cafeteria dishing out macaroni and cheese, they need to rethink the shower cap look. High-heeled booties? What is she, at a fashion crime scene? ……..well, yes, in fact…….hmm…..there’s a joke in here somewhere……

Exhibit C:


Ok, strangely enough, I’m actually feeling a little sorry for Jenna Jameson. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she looks like an anorexic duck. Something terrible has happened. She may need soothing of some kind. BUT THE SHOES DON’T HELP. Not only are they hideous, they make her legs look like scrawny old jogging man legs. That is not a good look, even for actual old jogging men.

Can we agree that there is a trend happening here? A terrifying, illogical trend that needs to be stopped? Penny and I are on board with this. If you see further examples, please let us know.



  1. I’ve been coming by your blog for too long. In that first picture, the first thing I also noticed was the shoes. See the effect you’ve had on me.

    I’m not sure if Jenna is sadly pathetic or just plain scary. I’m almost wondering if all her years in porn have caused her to contract AIDS or something. She don’t look good. And that outfit don’t help at all.

    Comment by Vince — September 13, 2007 @ 3:46 pm

  2. If I ever start a band? Our name will be The Olive Oil Robohookers.


    Comment by evilsciencechick — September 13, 2007 @ 4:28 pm

  3. I think you’re onto a good thing here with the Penny-waking videos.

    Comment by The Retropolitan — September 13, 2007 @ 6:07 pm

  4. I have two words: “Oh, Tyra.”

    6 days till the new season of ANTM, when we can start shredding people in earnest. Yay!

    Comment by Julie — September 13, 2007 @ 7:09 pm

  5. I think I would watch a 24-hour channel of Penny Waking videos.

    I just dont’ think a fella gets tired of that kinda thing. Our two girls come up to catch the last hour of morning sleep after their morning duties (there ain’t room enough in this bed for the four of us), and they’re so adorable it hurts.

    Comment by wunelle — September 13, 2007 @ 9:11 pm

  6. Ever since Jenna became a plastic action figure, it’s been all downhill. She used to be hot and human.

    Tyra’s shoes are so wrong.

    I think JLo’s ankles liquified and those shoes are keeping her upright. Bionic JLo!

    I’ll be first in line for the Olive Oil Robohooker show.

    Comment by Seth — September 14, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

  7. Penny waking up videos are wonderful. I’m glad Celebrity Whoredome isn’t off limits, though. Like Vince, the first thing I looked for was the shoes.

    Comment by Leslie — September 14, 2007 @ 7:40 pm

  8. Jenna! How could you screw up the spank bank of so many men like this?!

    Comment by His Sinfulness — September 24, 2007 @ 5:30 pm

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