Slow Adventures in Slothville

April 4, 2008

Celebrities Are Goofballs Too

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom — shhville @ 8:37 pm

So much of celebrity beauty depends on rigid control of the face. Botox serves more than one purpose – it smooths out the wrinkles and makes risky facial expressions impossible. In order to maintain that perfect red carpet/photo spread image, celebrities employ either the coy, close-lipped smile or the full-on pout – there really isn’t much else. And the consequences of them actually letting the mask down and acting like human beings for a second can be charming, disarming, disturbing, and awesome. Sometimes all at once.

Case in point: Cynthia Nixon

Ok, first of all, I LOVE Cynthia Nixon. She was always my favorite on “Sex and the City” and even more so when they fixed her hair and started dressing her better (no more kelly green power suits, thanks). In real life, she is cool as hell and solidly in the HOT category.

ZING!!!

One of my favorite things about Cynthia is her wacko, goofball smile which she was more than generous with on the show. Frankly, I’ve missed it. BUT HEY GUESS WHAT

It’s back!!! Woo! This is one of the promo shots for the new “Sex and the City” movie coming out soon. Isn’t she adorable?

Another example of the goofy celebrity smile, and probably my favorite because it’s been all over the place lately, is Miss Renee Zellweger.

First off: the dependable coy smile.

And let’s stick a pout in there too, why not:

And now for the reason why Renee will always have a special place in my heart:

CUTE. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t say it, but………..she looks SO Chinese in this picture. Like a Chinese turtle. If I had any photoshop skills I would paste one of those Asian triangle hats onto her head and a turtle shell under her chin. OH EM GEE SO CUTE.

Ok, but this one is even better. Renee has been all over the place promoting “Leatherheads” lately and I think sommmmmmebody had a little jetlag last week.

HAHAHAHAHAHA…………………SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUTE.

This is what happens when you botox the shit out of yourself, people. Adorable Chinese Turtle time.

Of course, the Tom Cruise creepy smile phenomenon is nothing new, but the worst one I’ve seen yet showed up on the interwebs today. First, the nostalgia:

Awwwwwwwwwwww……..I shed a tear for Tom. Anyway, so that’s a good pout, right?

MAKE WAY FOR THE JOWLY INSANITY:

GAHahahahahahahaha……Oh, Tom. How is possible to look like you just smelled a dead bird wrapped in a shit burrito AND be laughing hysterically? I don’t know, but I love it.

Finally, the most beautiful woman in the world. Yes, even Angelina Jolie has precious goofball smile.

First, the pout:

Hummana. Everyone who hates Angelina Jolie can suck it. You only hate her because her complete and total awesomeness is intimidating. LAME. Anyway, check out her BIG LAUGH SMILE:

GAH! Oh, sorry, wrong photo.

So THAT’S what’s behind those mattress lips! The alien retractable mouth! Fuck it, she’s warming my cockles with that goofy cuteness, and I don’t even HAVE a cockle.

That’s it for this week – have a great weekend, cat o’ mines!

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5 Comments »

  1. Yeeeeah…I have the uberdork big smile. It eats my face and I have no eyes when it happens..it’s a combination explosion-implosion that I try never to have captured on camera.

    Poutty Coy is my drag name.

    Comment by Tot — April 4, 2008 @ 9:15 pm

  2. Excellent synopsis.

    My eyes only vanish when I’ve been drinking and smile really big.

    Cynthia Nixon is awesome, real life and on TV. Great smile.

    Comment by Seth — April 4, 2008 @ 10:50 pm

  3. omg this is hilarious. i couldn’t tell if you were being serious or not in the start, but i think i figured it out by the end 😉

    Comment by E — April 5, 2008 @ 1:49 pm

  4. dude.
    u just raised the bar AGAIN.

    I was so immersed in the rapture of the alien smile post that I forgot I was on SAIS.

    I got to the MS: hot or not section and was like OMG, they totally ripped off SAIS! Becuae I thought for a minute I was on like a huge commercial site with like 20 famous writers and commercials out the wazoo, not someone I had actually met because it was… THAT FUCKING GOOD..

    yeah, the renee z thing bums me OUT. she is seriously addicted to chemical peels and surely is not botox shy but there is something more too besides a plastic sx habit…. my vote is that that that is the face of bulimia.. poor dear..

    Comment by monkey — April 7, 2008 @ 12:59 am

  5. I love Angelina Jolie.

    But the smile I most can’t wait to see live and in person is the one on YOUR slothful self when you meet Emily. 🙂

    Comment by Aimee — April 12, 2008 @ 7:54 am


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