Slow Adventures in Slothville

April 14, 2008

Separated at Birth: Guys and Dolls Edition

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom — shhville @ 11:47 pm

I’ve never been a fan of John Travolta’s. I don’t care that he’s bisexual (and he is, trust) but his sleazy attempts to pick up bartenders and masseuses who are just trying to do their jobs……ech. Plus the Scientology shit – that’s grosser than a happy ending any day. So I was mildly amused the other day to note that JT has gone from this:

Which is already gnasty as far as I’m concerned – you can totally tell by looking at him that he’s one of those guys who gets his sloppy lips all over your face when he kisses and you end up with sticky bad-breath spit all around your mouth and in your nose. Ew. Plus he has a butthole in his chin. To this:

Which to me is indistinguishable from this:

And makes me want to do this:

Also, check out JT’s 3 a.m. mistake. Actually, I think this one is Zac Efron’s mistake, if someone has to own it:

Watch out, Zac! We know you’re a bottom and Trav looks like a guy who’s swingin’ some serious pipe. Remember your three most important things: LUBE, LUBE, and LUBE.

Moving on, there’s all this shit going on around Dr. Phil today. I guess his staff bailed some gangbanger out of jail so he could interview her and now everyone’s in a tizzy. Whatever, I won’t be concerned about Dr. Phil unless he shows some good judgment and doesn’t stick his fat mug into everyone’s business because that means Armageddon is here.

I don’t want to waste any more time on this douchebag, here is the SAB:

The only diff between the two is one has a tendency to wear way too much tinted lip gloss.

In other news, Beaker McConahayisforhorses showed up to his “Fool’s Gold” premiere looking like the C3PO Pez dispenser:

And rejuvenated hottie Robert Downey Jr. showed up to his “Iron Man” premiere looking like the Pee Wee Herman doll:

Whatever, DowneyFresh is SMOKIN’ these days.

And finally, a little retrospective back to a time when Mick Jagger looked like everyone’s favorite perfect doll, Angelina Jolie:

Creepy AND hot! A perfect combination. Later, cats!

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3 Comments »

  1. Bwahahaha! You’re a freakin’ genius! The C3PO Pez dispenser is spot on.

    Poor Zac Efron.

    Comment by Seth — April 15, 2008 @ 2:19 am

  2. Scary, totally scary, especially Dr. Phil and Mr. Potato Head.

    Comment by Inanna — April 16, 2008 @ 4:52 am

  3. Oh my, what a good eye you have! Delightful!

    Comment by Sister Wolf — May 21, 2008 @ 12:54 pm


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