Slow Adventures in Slothville

June 20, 2008

Friday Foto Roundup and Penny Porn

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny — shhville @ 8:16 pm

Hellooooooo!! Wow, it’s been a long time since I posted. I apologize to my 3.11 readers (Seth counts as 1.11) for being remiss in updating. I was busy GRADUATINGWOOOOOOOO!! and then I got busy doing nothing at all for a while. But my summer class (yes, I am still going on with school, it’s a lifestyle) starts on Monday so I’m coming back to life and Slothville once again.

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. It’s been building up. I looked at all of the pictures that I have saved to my computer over the last few weeks and realized that it was time for a FRIDAY FOTO ROUNDUP. If you get through the roundup (such a chore) then you will be rewarded with some Penny Porn. Ooooooooohhhh yeeeaaahhhh.

First up, RUMER WILLIS LOOKS LIKE MASK. But wait, I already have to backtrack because when the Robert Redford/Brad Pitt post got Farked I got a TON OF SHIT from THE LAMEST PEOPLE EVER saying that EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW THAT ROBERT REDFORD AND BRAD PITT LOOKED THE SAME, GOD, GET WITH THE TIMES, DUMBASS.

So.

Just in case.

I will say.

THIS MAY HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT BEFORE BY OTHERS. (But I don’t think so, so fuck you, haters.) Ahem.

RUMER WILLIS LOOKS LIKE MASK.

This woman amazes me. Now, I don’t want to bag on her for her looks (……except that that’s exactly what I’m doing so never mind) but she has the most mesmerizing face! I was telling a friend of mine last night about this family I know – the dad is this big, rotund, jolly guy and the mom is this tiny, gorgeous, petite woman. They have a daughter and a son and the girl is big, rotund and jolly while the boy is this itty bitty puppet of a kid. They’re great people and they have a great family, but you KNOW they wish the DNA had been the other way around. I always think of them when I look at Rumer Willis because she got all the right DNA in all the wrong places. She looks like a Worth 1000 contest.

Moving on, Madonna, who has been succumbing to a serious case of Madamism lately, has almost completely morphed into Fay Dunaway.

There has also been a rash of celebrities looking distinctly mask-like. Not kabuki mask, but DEATH MASK. I mean, look at Melanie Griffith:

*sigh*

I feel bad about this because I really like Melanie Griffith and will watch “Working Girl” six hundred and twenty-nine THOUSAND more times in my life if I’m lucky. (Seriously, I cannot get enough of that movie – the mayo on the lip! The towering hair! The EYESHADOW….) But Melanie! Stop! With the plastic surgery! I mean, my god, she looks like she’s in rigor mortis! As does Heather Locklear:

*sigh*

And, famously, Heidi Fleiss.

GAH!!! …..*sigh*

Ok, what else did I want to tell you……..ohhhhhhhhh yes. The other day we allllllmost got to see what is under Donald Trump’s strawberry pompadour!

HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

I fucking LOVE this picture. You know he’s thinking “Shitshitshit is my hair moving? I can feel it moving! Someone is SO FIRED FOR THIS.” It looks like it’s growing tentacles and getting ready to crawl away in search of food – The Donald forgot to feed his head monster! Watch out!

In other news, Bai Ling is living the dream. Here she is on set for some shit movie with Jason Statham, all greased up and humping his leg like a dog.

Ewwwww

But how hot is Statham in this picture? Damn, kiddo. I think I like him better from the side.

And finally, a little visit with the trolls. I can never remember which one is which, but I will go ahead and say here that THIS IS YOUR OLSEN TROLL. THIS IS YOUR OLSEN TROLL ON DRUGS.

Best PSA ever.

Ok, you made it to the end and, as promised, you get some Porny Penny videos. First up, Penny spreads her legs for the camera.

CUTE. Next, Penny does some serious tongue action (in time to classical music).

Have a great weekend everyone!

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6 Comments »

  1. Awwww…Penny.

    And at least now we know Trump’s hair is real…they don’t make wigs that do that.

    Comment by Julie — June 20, 2008 @ 8:48 pm

  2. Ahhh. Now my life is complete.

    🙂

    Comment by aimee — June 20, 2008 @ 8:49 pm

  3. Pot-bellied Penny! She looks like a game hen!

    Faye Dunaway…absolutely bang on.

    Comment by Tot — June 20, 2008 @ 11:32 pm

  4. Congrats on graduating! That’s pretty big news. 🙂

    Loved the photo dump and you cracked me up with your comment about Rumer, “I always think of them when I look at Rumer Willis because she got all the right DNA in all the wrong places. ”

    Sooo true.

    Comment by Jammie J — June 21, 2008 @ 10:02 am

  5. Hooray! Congratulations! I can’t wait until it’s me, so I’m jealous!

    What the devil is on the wall?

    Great call on Rumer. Why is her face so flat? Poor girl.

    Comment by Seth — June 25, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  6. YES on everything!!! The facelift thing will end up making all actresses look identical.

    When you get tired of Rumer (as if!) take a look at the other two girls. They are also quite challenged in the looks department.

    Comment by Sister Wolf — June 26, 2008 @ 8:21 am


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