Slow Adventures in Slothville

June 23, 2008

Rihanna is a Reptile and/or Dead Inside

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom — shhville @ 8:38 pm

Well, I hope you all had a soothing weekend. You’ll need that cache of calmness because we are starting off the week with the super-creepy, soulless alien reptile and mega superstar who doesn’t write her own songs, Rihanna. I don’t know what it is about this chick, but she gives me both the heebies AND the jeebies. You know what, forget that. I know EXACTLY what it is. Just LOOK at her.

Rihanna blue steel

Gah!! Sorry, wrong photo………….

Creepy creepiness

Uhhhhhhhhhhh *shudder*……. She fills me with dread. She’s like a fucking Dementor. Those eyes, they’re so……..flat and dead and reptilian. Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. It’s not her fault she was born this way.

Rihanna baby picture

But she scares the crap out of me!

Creepy crocodile

Rihanna pose

And it’s not just when she’s being serious, either. This is not some kind of purposeful affect – she really is a cold-blooded reptile. So cold, in fact, that I believe she has liquid nitrogen for blood, which makes her good for building lasers and getting coffee out of vending machines, but seems to do nothing for her song-writing talent. Check out the dead-eyed smile:

Crocodile smileZombie crocodile

I don’t know if what I’m looking at is hollow and dead or ready to take my hand off, but it is DEFINITELY one or the other. Maybe if I just….tap her on the cheek………*tap tap*……..GAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

Rihanna lunch

Well, now we know. Consider yourselves warned. Too bad Steve Irwin isn’t around to wrangle this girl…

Insert tasteless joke here.

You know he’d love to get his hands on-

Offended crocodile

What, too soon? Yeah, ok, sorry.

Later cats!

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21 Comments »

  1. I’ll give you the cold-blooded eyes but I think baby crocs are cute. They make that little high pitched grunt/squeak that is adorable. Then they grow 15 feet long and eat you. So Rihanna may be cute now but she’ll soon devour us all.

    Comment by Seth — June 25, 2008 @ 11:45 pm

  2. I thought that was Tyra Somebody at first! Rihanna is no good either. The hell with both of them!

    Comment by Sister Wolf — June 26, 2008 @ 8:14 am

  3. “Shut up and Drive” is steadily moving up my iTunes playlist. And Rihanna looks hot in the bikini on the cover of Us Weekly (which I saw at the supermarket, that’s it, I swear).

    But her umbrella-ella-ella song is super annoy-oy-oy-ing.

    Comment by Michael — July 3, 2008 @ 11:53 am

  4. Gah. You’re totally right – she is reptilian.

    Congrats on graduating! Woo hoo!

    Comment by E-Lo — July 3, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

  5. THERE you are! I lost my whole blog list about a year ago when my comp bit the dust, and I still have bloggers I’ve failed to locate. It doesn’t help that I’ve had to change my screen name due to psychotics beyond my control (the old one being S to the E to the Double RRA). So glad to find you 🙂

    Comment by PandoraWilde — July 21, 2008 @ 11:47 pm

  6. Eeeoow, and she’s only 21, too.

    Comment by Sister Wolf — July 26, 2008 @ 9:03 am

    • there is something wrong with her but that chris brown is a devil worshipper too,listen too his son “fallen angel”its all in reference to the devil-i pray they can be saved if they can-im a christian,ive got to, but most of them wont realise how deceitfull satan is untill its too late sadly-i belong to jesus-,and i dont go to church,i try to be a good person but i make mistakes but i know jesus loves me and this is just the warm up to the real big show-god bless all-joe

      Comment by joebhoy — December 9, 2010 @ 4:35 am

  7. Agree she definitely seems like a reptoid. The new picture of her “beating” says it all. Notice the “horns” on her forehead,the blotchy skin,and the huge implant. She probably morphed in front of Chris because she was either hungry or very angry. When Chris saw his girlfriend in her true reptilian form,he probably freaked out and tried to fight “it” and saved his own life in the process. Too bad Chris Brown will come off as the villain here. How in the world will he ever be able to tell the truth? Who would believe him …..poor Chris….don’t worry bro. some of us KNOW the real deal.

    Comment by FooFighter X — February 22, 2009 @ 1:29 am

  8. I am thinking that she is possibly a reptilian hybrid. They are in the music business, politics, and so on.
    It can be determined by her stare, reptilians have a hypnotic type of stare as I have read and I never realized this about her until I came across this website. Osbama is one too. I have seen his childhood picture online and he had green scales on his arms.

    Comment by Jairo Parra — March 21, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

    • Okay, so the truth MAY have been revealed. What is going to happen next? How long have these hybrids been mixed within us? Are there any ‘good will’ halfbreeds in the mix. Another thing, WTF are we so preooccupied with the minute icons on the celeberty totem pole? What about the ones who are leading us to be bred to die? What about the POLITIANS? The ones who are really in charge.
      Obama is a freak with 200 tongues and 300 heads, but he’s still a puppet. Ans so are we (puppets). Like Jewel asks; “who will save your soul?” Obama is an affirmative action hire pin-up. You think the world dislikes blacks now, wait til this President gets done. Blacks will be walking targets. Yes, I am bi-racial.
      And Beyonce is a creature….a big ugly screetching one.

      Comment by whorwe — June 20, 2009 @ 10:22 pm

    • i think obama only got the job because they knew WHOEVER took it was on a hiding to nothing,then the old fat white est guys could say “well we gave one of the other races a go and he fucked it up”,if the country wasnt in such a state obama wouldve got nowhere near the office of president-from a anti facist/racist white guy-peace

      Comment by joebhoy — December 9, 2010 @ 4:44 am

  9. […] about her was her affinity for pleather and her umbrella, and you may remember a post I wrote about Rihanna and her dead reptile eyes.  As a refresher: I will eat your soul. I will eat your […]

    Pingback by Dead-eyed Celebrities « Slow Adventures in Slothville — April 5, 2009 @ 6:20 am

  10. Okay, so the truth MAY have been revealed. What is going to happen next? How long have these hybrids been mixed within us? Are there any ‘good will’ halfbreeds in the mix. Another thing, WTF are we so preooccupied with the minute icons on the celeberty totem pole? What about the ones who are leading us to be bred to die? What about the POLITIANS? The ones who are really in charge.
    Obama is a freak with 200 tongues and 300 heads, but he’s still a puppet. Ans so are we. Like Jewel asks; “who will save your soul?” Obama is an affirmative action hire pin-up. You think the world dislikes blacks now, wait til this President gets done. Blacks will be walking target. Yes, I am bi-racial.

    Comment by whorwe — June 20, 2009 @ 10:12 pm

    • This started long ago when the angels left their heavenly estate and co-mingled with the earth woman of that time that produced giant hybrids. They are the devil’s seed and reptilians hybrids. They are mixing their contaminated DNA with human DNA and producing these hybrids. Grays are the ones who do the abducting and the genetic experiments on the humans producing these godless hybrids.

      Comment by Jairo Parra — June 22, 2009 @ 1:08 pm

  11. freeze the umbrella video at 1:56

    i’m speechless, i mean i don’t like hating but she looks like some kinda goblin her head ain’t even in the right place on her neck.

    put it this way, i’ve never thought about ufo’s or aliens far from it, but this is ridiculous, check it, official umbrella video freeze at 1:56

    -peace

    Comment by rapid-insurgent — July 9, 2009 @ 12:55 am

  12. fuck rihanna,i always knew something was terribly wrong with her,i’ve never liked her anyways,Jesus is soon coming for her ass…

    Comment by paul — February 13, 2010 @ 9:00 am

  13. I think you are extremly stupid being.

    Comment by ixi — July 7, 2010 @ 2:31 pm

  14. What is your arguments why she is what you claim that she is?
    This is totally non sense, you say i feel bad about some signer and then you clam that reason you feel bad is that that singer is reptilian?

    Think a bit about that, if you judge other people, think about yourself first.

    Comment by blind old man — July 7, 2010 @ 4:28 pm

  15. Hah, this is funny and it seems that you have readers who don’t have a sense of humor at all! That’s sad…

    Regards,

    The Rihanna discography Guy

    Comment by jubakala — July 30, 2010 @ 9:43 pm

  16. You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the finest sites online. I most certainly will recommend this blog!

    Comment by Rihanna Diamonds — February 1, 2013 @ 2:19 am

  17. i don’t have any idea about her but such things may exist … so you better watch out for everything you are doing….. get ready !!!!

    Comment by Dag — March 26, 2014 @ 10:58 pm


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