The Retropolitan asked: How tall is a Sloth? and Does Warrior Steve read this blog?
Answer: Exactly 5 feet, 2 and ½ inches tall. And anyone who thinks it’s funny that I have to climb up on the kitchen counter to reach the salad spinner can SUCK IT. And you know why it’s such a pain? Because I have to change my pantz first if they’re the pantz I wore on the bus or to a movie or a restaurant or basically anywhere and have not washed yet because those pantz have COOTIES on them so I have to have special, clean, counter-clamoring pantz for reaching high-up things in my kitchen.
Kate the Peon asked: I would like to know your first name, if at all possible.
Answer: I’m sorry but it is not at all possible. As I may have mentioned before I have a very unique name. People can google it and find me in a nano. Between my first name and Harvard, anyone would have my phone number and address with minimal effort. And I know you are all like, “Who cares? You are not so awesome and important that anyone is going to even care who you are, dumbshit!” And, um, you’re right. But I still don’t want you freaks knowing who I am.
Cybele asked: When will you post some more of your delicious photographs?
Answer: Well…………..soon. The thing is, spring in Boston is not so much pretty as it is muddy. The end of winter is dirty and gray. The beginning of spring is wet and dirty. Then, like three minutes later, it’s 85 degrees and muggy. So it will be soon, dear readers, that things will pick up around here in the having-things-to-take-pictures-of department. Farmers markets spring up, gardens bloom, spiders come back………I know how you all love the spider pictures.
Be careful what you ask for! Mmmmmm……..delicious!!
Big Pinz asked: Who is John Galt?
Answer: According to Wikipedia, John Galt was a Scottish author who was also a friend of Lord Byron which, if you ask me, makes him automatically suspect.
According to me, he was this really quiet, shy dude who lived next door to me in Northampton back in the day and ended up being a pity fuck. What?? He was cute!! And a virgin!! Poor man had a penis the size of a kumquat, though. What can you do?
Aimee asked: Of all your shoes, which are you favorites and why? and Sloth–where the heck are ya, girlfriend?!
Answer: My favorite walking around shoes are my blue Pumas:
They look alllllmost like this except the leather is eggshell blue and the stripe is burgundy.
Favorite dressy sandals are my Manolo Blahniks:
Except I also love my blue sparkly Franco Sartos:
And my patent orange slingbacks:
And my snakeskin multis:
And this question officially became too difficult.
Answer: I meant to get to your questions on Friday, but spent the whole day planning a long weekend in May. Montreal? Cape Cod? Texas? We still haven’t figured out where we’re going, just that we’re going somewhere.
Vince asked: What’s a Sloth doing in Boston? I thought they traveled (in their slothy like fashion) in warmer climes. Also, what kind of outfits does Slothy favor now that spring has sprung and summer approacheth?
Answer: This particular sloth grew up in Maine and loves it there, but needs to not live in the same place as her parents. Ok, I’ll stop talking about myself in the third person. I love my parents. They are supercool. But in order to be all grown up and happy and making my way in the world, I need to live in a bigger city that is not the one they live in. And New York is exhausting (for a sloth) so Boston it is. Only two hours away from the parental unit and I don’t need a car here and, of course, the lumbering behemoth that is Harvard.
Answer: I prefer to be clothed in air conditioning. Global Whatevering, I don’t care.
Greg asked: Are you working on an m.a., or phd?
Answer: Sorry, please don’t take offense, but I hate that question.
Bunsen asked: Do Sloths ever travel to Pittsburgh, for ANY reason, especially if they were asked nicely? and What kind of underwear is Sloth wearing RIGHT NOW???
Answer: Give me a reason and Duh! Furry ones!!
Dan Tobin asked: What do you miss most about having your blogs unprotected? (Blogging bareback, as some would call it.)
Answer: The possibility of random traffic and people just sort of stumbling along and finding Slothville. A lot of the email I got with password requests was like, “I just happened upon your blog one day, can’t remember…..” and they started reading and decided to stay. It would take a lot more for that to happen now. If I stumbled upon a blog that was password protected I would never bother to browse the archives and see if I wanted in. Hell, it took me like a year to ask Jeanette for a password. I just think that the readership I have is the readership I’m going to keep, but who new would make the effort to get into a closed community like this?
Kim asked: Did you ever meet/go out with the guy from the found book?
Answer: No. But I will in one month. Last time Davy Rothbart and his Found Magazine co-horts were here on tour I was on the Outer Banks fishing and getting a wicked tan. This time around, I’ll be here and I’ll get to say “OHMYGODHI!!” and give him my found stuff. Warrior Steve will be with me trying not to care that I (maybe) have a little crush on someone who isn’t him.
Jamie asked: So, about Scuba… I mean Warrior Steve…Measurements? And not the waistline, ah hem!
Answer: OH DEAR GOD, WOMAN. He’s 6 foot 2 inches tall and YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT.
Nicole asked: Why are you still in school? (not meaning that in a snarky way, but more as in “what is your ultimate goal from being in school?”)…AND… when/where/who was your first kiss? (just cause it’s a stupid-fun question)
Answer: Ok, honestly, I’m still in school because I’m kicking tires while I figure out what to do next. I don’t usually admit that.
Answer: Ryan Anderson, kindergarten. We watched each other go pee one day, too, so I can tell you that Ryan Anderson is uncircumcised. I didn’t see another wing-wang for many years so I forever thought they all looked like pointy, wrinkly pencils.
E-lo asked: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Answer: Never ever bored.
Seth asked: Jesus Christ, dude. Way too many questions!
How tall is DanTobinDanTobin? Answer: No idea, but way taller than me.
Do Sloths like monkeys? Answer: Yes, but spending time with the bonobos can get a bit awkward.
When did you lose your virginity? Answer: 14 years old.
How old is too old? Answer: If we’re talking about dating, I’ve actually thought about this. I have a wide range. I would say, mid-fifties.
How young is too young? Answer: Up until I turned 30 and met Warrior Steve, I would have said anyone younger than me. Guess that’s out.
Where would you rather live than Boston? Answer: Lots of places! All over the place! Greece, Spain, Italy, the south of France – how about Tibet for a while? If the question only includes the Unites States……..I’m stumped.
When did you realize that you LOVED shoes? Answer: In the womb.
Varla asked: What do you think the monkeys are up to? I mean, really? and Do you think these pants make my ass look fat? and What about these shoes – fat ankles?
Answer: If they’re bonobos, they’re up to a whole lotta fucking. Like I was saying: awwwwwwkward……….
Answer: If you don’t spell pantz right, I can’t help you. And if you have what Chris Rock refers to as “pump fat,” you’re probably better off being a black woman. According to him. And I hear you can do that now – there’s some kind of tv show or something.
Inanna asked: Tell us about a person you admire and why you admire them.
Answer: Although I am an atheist, I greatly admire Archbishop Desmond Tutu, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984. Here is one of the reasons: an excerpt from a sermon of his that I nicked off Wikipedia:
“Jesus did not say, ‘I if I be lifted up I will draw some’,” Tutu said, preaching in two morning festival services in Pasadena, California. “Jesus said, ‘If I be lifted up I will draw all, all, all, all, all. Black, white, yellow, rich, poor, clever, not so clever, beautiful, not so beautiful. It’s one of the most radical things. All, all, all, all, all, all, all, all. All belong. Gay, lesbian, so-called straight. All, all are meant to be held in this incredible embrace that will not let us go. All.”
He continued: “Isn’t it sad, that in a time when we face so many devastating problems – poverty, HIV/AIDS, war and conflict – that in our Communion we should be investing so much time and energy on disagreement about sexual orientation?”
There is so much to admire about this man, that I won’t even start here. Even a cursory look at his life will give you an idea. I will just say that I saw his appearance on “The Daily Show” last year and after hearing him speak to Jon Stewart, and feeling all this immense love that could not even be contained in him, I cried for a long time and then stayed up until 1 a.m. to watch the show again. Desmond Tutu makes you feel as though forgiveness is your right. As though love is your right. And the way he smiles and offers his own praise to the world, he makes you feel as though all that forgiveness and love is already in you. As a person he has incredible power and he uses it exclusively to make the world a better place.
Uh! This post was exhausting! And decidedly not-vaginal. Shoe post sometime this week…