Slow Adventures in Slothville

April 29, 2009

Penny Wrassle

Filed under: Penny, Photography — shhville @ 7:30 am

Put this on the list of things that are NOT APPRECIATED: Penny is all done with the manhandling (slothhandling).

WHY HAVE YOU PICKED ME UP

WHY HAVE YOU PICKED ME UP

NO I DO NOT WANT TO DANCE BACK AND FORTH

NO I DO NOT WANT TO DANCE BACK AND FORTH

THIS IS ABOUT TO GET UGLY

THIS IS ABOUT TO GET UGLY

RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

April 5, 2009

Dead-eyed Celebrities

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny — shhville @ 6:20 am

Ok, so I haven’t posted since last September because I got distracted by a few things. I was sucking on the teat of Facebook, finger banging Twitter, and getting pounded by all the election coverage. It was a media orgy and what can I say? I got derailed.

So I’m a little rusty, but Slothville never dies so here I am creaking my bones back into the blogosphere. Now cast your mind back to a more innocent time, when all we knew about her was her affinity for pleather and her umbrella, and you may remember a post I wrote about Rihanna and her dead reptile eyes.  As a refresher:

I will eat your soul.

I will eat your soul.

I will eat your eggs.

I will eat your eggs.

Well, lately I’ve been watching “Kings” on Sunday nights (at 8 pm, on NBC, watch it before it winds up in the brilliant-but-canceled pile with “Arrested Development,” “Pushing Daisies,” and “Firefly”). One of the stars of the show is Chris Egan who is somehow great for the show, but who has the emotive capacity of a really, really fuckable stump.

No, not this guy

No, not this guy

This guy.

This guy.

And it has rekindled my obsession with the vacant/sinister-eyed celebrity. You know who else looks like her brain is made of cinders and……..aliens? Megan Fox. Check it:

Sure, you can put it my butt...

Sure, you can put it in my butt...

....but then I'm going to eat your children.

....but then I'm going to eat your children.

OOH, I just thought of another one! I also happen to watch “The Mentalist” on Tuesday nights. I can’t recommend it because it’s completely retarded, but I keep watching because of Simon Baker who is the star (and another fuckable stump – you see how it’s a trend?). I can’t explain it. I think it’s the lip gloss he always wears, it’s mesmerizing.

No, not this guy

No, not this guy

This guy.

This guy.

And speaking of Val Kilmer (the universal prototype for this species of alien/celebrity), we can all thank his dead eyes for getting him cast in his most memorable role:

You're dangerous, Maverick! ...To my heterosexuality...

You're dangerous, Maverick! ...To my heterosexuality...

I asked Penny what she thought about all this and she broke out her best Val Kilmer impression:

You can be my wingman any time.

You can be my wingman any time.

Any other creepy reptilian celebrities you can think of? Later, cats!

August 7, 2008

Breaking: Sloth Not Dead in Ditch

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny — shhville @ 9:33 pm

Well, hello to my 3.1 readers! I know, you were envisioning my anonymous corpse rotting in some back woods somewhere while my family and friends scratched their heads and asked each other, “You seen Sloth lately? Bitch don’t come around no more.” Suh! I’m not DEAD. I’m in GRADUATE SCHOOL. I’m fuckin’ busy! Plus, I’m moving and that is a hassle and a half.

Anyway, I figured I’d better put something up here before my blogging license gets revoked. Also, the SAB I wanted to do is teetering on irrelevance, so I have to get on it.

A little while ago Courtney Love was photographed walking around in her granny underpants looking all pale and skeletal and fucked up. Some people thought she looked like a ghost but with that white skin and blood red gaping maw, I thought she resembled someone else altogether:

I think they’d get along great, don’t you? They could share makeup tips and and talk about chaos together. CUTE.

P.S. If you haven’t seen TDK you have problems and I don’t even know how to help you.

And as punctuation on this very quick mini-postette, I give you two recent Penny Pie pictures. Yes, they are of her in bed again. She’s just so cute in the morning! Enjoy.

I’ll try to post my favorite ever picture of Amy Winehouse before the week is out. Ciao!

June 20, 2008

Friday Foto Roundup and Penny Porn

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny — shhville @ 8:16 pm

Hellooooooo!! Wow, it’s been a long time since I posted. I apologize to my 3.11 readers (Seth counts as 1.11) for being remiss in updating. I was busy GRADUATINGWOOOOOOOO!! and then I got busy doing nothing at all for a while. But my summer class (yes, I am still going on with school, it’s a lifestyle) starts on Monday so I’m coming back to life and Slothville once again.

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. It’s been building up. I looked at all of the pictures that I have saved to my computer over the last few weeks and realized that it was time for a FRIDAY FOTO ROUNDUP. If you get through the roundup (such a chore) then you will be rewarded with some Penny Porn. Ooooooooohhhh yeeeaaahhhh.

First up, RUMER WILLIS LOOKS LIKE MASK. But wait, I already have to backtrack because when the Robert Redford/Brad Pitt post got Farked I got a TON OF SHIT from THE LAMEST PEOPLE EVER saying that EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW THAT ROBERT REDFORD AND BRAD PITT LOOKED THE SAME, GOD, GET WITH THE TIMES, DUMBASS.

So.

Just in case.

I will say.

THIS MAY HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT BEFORE BY OTHERS. (But I don’t think so, so fuck you, haters.) Ahem.

RUMER WILLIS LOOKS LIKE MASK.

This woman amazes me. Now, I don’t want to bag on her for her looks (……except that that’s exactly what I’m doing so never mind) but she has the most mesmerizing face! I was telling a friend of mine last night about this family I know – the dad is this big, rotund, jolly guy and the mom is this tiny, gorgeous, petite woman. They have a daughter and a son and the girl is big, rotund and jolly while the boy is this itty bitty puppet of a kid. They’re great people and they have a great family, but you KNOW they wish the DNA had been the other way around. I always think of them when I look at Rumer Willis because she got all the right DNA in all the wrong places. She looks like a Worth 1000 contest.

Moving on, Madonna, who has been succumbing to a serious case of Madamism lately, has almost completely morphed into Fay Dunaway.

There has also been a rash of celebrities looking distinctly mask-like. Not kabuki mask, but DEATH MASK. I mean, look at Melanie Griffith:

*sigh*

I feel bad about this because I really like Melanie Griffith and will watch “Working Girl” six hundred and twenty-nine THOUSAND more times in my life if I’m lucky. (Seriously, I cannot get enough of that movie – the mayo on the lip! The towering hair! The EYESHADOW….) But Melanie! Stop! With the plastic surgery! I mean, my god, she looks like she’s in rigor mortis! As does Heather Locklear:

*sigh*

And, famously, Heidi Fleiss.

GAH!!! …..*sigh*

Ok, what else did I want to tell you……..ohhhhhhhhh yes. The other day we allllllmost got to see what is under Donald Trump’s strawberry pompadour!

HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

I fucking LOVE this picture. You know he’s thinking “Shitshitshit is my hair moving? I can feel it moving! Someone is SO FIRED FOR THIS.” It looks like it’s growing tentacles and getting ready to crawl away in search of food – The Donald forgot to feed his head monster! Watch out!

In other news, Bai Ling is living the dream. Here she is on set for some shit movie with Jason Statham, all greased up and humping his leg like a dog.

Ewwwww

But how hot is Statham in this picture? Damn, kiddo. I think I like him better from the side.

And finally, a little visit with the trolls. I can never remember which one is which, but I will go ahead and say here that THIS IS YOUR OLSEN TROLL. THIS IS YOUR OLSEN TROLL ON DRUGS.

Best PSA ever.

Ok, you made it to the end and, as promised, you get some Porny Penny videos. First up, Penny spreads her legs for the camera.

CUTE. Next, Penny does some serious tongue action (in time to classical music).

Have a great weekend everyone!

May 28, 2008

Memorial Day Weekend

Filed under: Family, Penny, Photography — shhville @ 3:15 am

Hi folks, sorry for the lapse in posting. My brain was going in three different directions because I was feeling sad about Felix and stressed about finishing up my papers and exams and SUPER ELATED because I’M GRADUATING. Woooooooo! Partay!! Anyway, we’re BACK from a fun-and-near-tragic-death-filled Memorial Day weekend with the parents and since we have tons of pictures, here’s a quick run-down of our adventures.

We poked around and sniffed everything in the garden from beautiful new flowers…

To the thriving kiwi vine….

To the newly-arrived baby arugula….

Then we went down to the dog beach for a pooch party…

Those poodles – Hattie and Guster – belong to my parents. Brother and sister, adopted when they were 7 years old and goofy as hell. Penny had a blast overseeing the activities and making sure everything went smoothly….

Then we went for a walk around the neighborhood…. [I wanted to put a little video here but YouTube is giving me guff]…….encountering many beautiful views….

…….and some oddities…..dogs and cats and birds, oh my!

When we got home Penny pointed out that she’s getting splotchy on her belly again….

She’s pointing with both front paws.

And then we went over to dad’s for shiskebobs and chardonnay.

The next day we drove up to our friend’s farm in Kennebunk. It is mid-renovation but already looking very cool…

After some puttering we decided to walk through the soon-to-be-planted orchards and down to the stream…

Then disaster struck. About five minutes after I took this video, Penny collapsed and started vomiting…

I picked her up and ran back to the house. She was completely limp and I was completely out of my mind. Here we were in rural Maine, nowhere near anything, on Memorial Day. Where could I even take her?? Thankfully, after about an hour her breathing slowed and she picked up her head. She refused water and was still sluggish, but I felt that the danger, whatever that was, was past. So I put her in the sling so she wouldn’t have to walk and we went to our friend’s OTHER farm for a little bit to have some wine and nachos and generally re-group. Our friend whipped up some fresh quacamole in the picturesque kitchen and we took a short stroll around the grounds.

Penny stayed in the sling, napping….

…..while the other animals did their things…..

And now, we’re home! Yay! Penny is still a little down, but doing much better. She even wanted (and got!) her dinner that night, so I think she is going to be fine. Ciao cats!

April 24, 2008

Spring Morning Sprung

Filed under: Penny — shhville @ 6:59 pm

Morning pooples, it’s gorgeous here. It’s really a perfect day. The only thing that could make this day better is if I wasn’t wicked sick with the Sloth Floo. It’s totally gross, I coughed so hard on the bus this morning that my lung popped right out and hit a little German girl in the eye. Her mom was pretty gracious about it, but still, ew. Since I’ve been laid up in bed for a few days now I have lots of work to catch up on and no time for the post I want to write about celebrities with melting faces, so you get weedio of Penny waking up on this lovely spring day. Later!

April 1, 2008

Hot or Not: Mena Suvari

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom, Penny — shhville @ 8:58 pm

In this inaugural edition of Slothville’s Hot or Not feature, we take a look at quirky quirkster Mena Suvari. Heralded as an American beauty since “American Beauty,” I’ve always found something *off* about her. First of all, there’s the forehead:

The hell? How big IS her brain, anyway? Girl had BETTER be in MENSA. But a big forehead can be sexy, yes? It’s a matter of perspective. It’s kind of hot because it’s unique. So…………….ok, forehead is working. It’s what she does to cover up that forehead that has me confused.

GAH!! NOT GOOD. I think Ricky Martin wrote “She Bangs” about Mena Suvari.

So then Mena went and shaved her head which was both EXTREMELY HOT:

And EXTREMELY NOT:

I asked Penny what she thought about all this and she was like, “Dude, lay off, she’s my cousin.”

I can definitely see the resemblance.

But in general I was impressed by how well Mena rocked the bald. She didn’t go for a wig or a nasty-ass weave (ahem) and for the most part she remained solidly in the Hot category.

Um…………YUM.

The Verdict: HOT.

Was there ever any doubt?

Later cats! (And thanks to Sarah for today’s post idea.)

March 27, 2008

Penny Fix!

Filed under: Penny, Photography — shhville @ 10:55 pm

Sorry to ignore lately, I’ve been frittering away all my time on Facebook. Fucking FACEBOOK because they have Scrabulous and Scramble – shit is crack cocaine.

Here you are – a quick Penny fix. She fixes everything. This works like a flipbook, ready?

Penny’s Bedroom Adventures! Ooh la la!

5 pages:

3 Pages:

And 3 last pages!

Later Cats!

March 6, 2008

Penny Pie

Filed under: Penny — shhville @ 11:48 pm

It’s been a few days – here’s your Penny fix!

February 28, 2008

Spotlight on Us

Filed under: Penny, Photography — shhville @ 8:20 pm

The week is winding down, YAY! We are SO ready for the weekend…

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