Slow Adventures in Slothville

July 24, 2010

Scoot Toot

Filed under: Celebrity Whoredom — Tags: , — shhville @ 2:42 am

Hi everyone! (no one) I am blogging! (to an audience of zero) I won’t bother with explanations or excuses because that shit is boring. What I really want to talk about is Scoot McNairy, whose name, you will note, is SCOOT. 1-2-3 go!

Ok, so I have a thing about the TV show “Bones” which is pretty much the least misogynistic police procedural on television (just don’t get in David Boreanaz’s car). My DVR is constantly running out of space because it picks up every “Bones” episode and that shit is on two or three times a day, thanks to TNT. (thanks, TNT!) (except, wait, didn’t you invent “The Closer?” NO THANK YOU, TNT!) (Fuck you, TNT!) Anyway, “Bones” occasionally suffers from catastrophic failure in the no-misogyny department. (For instance, there was one episode where Temperance was bumping it with the dude from “Warehouse 13” and he was like, “I’ma get on a sailboat and sail away now to a tropical fuckin’ island, wanna come with?” and Temperance is like, “Hmm….let me agonize over this for seven minutes…..NO.” and all her friends are like, “What is WRONG with you?? Don’t you want to go sail away to a tropical paradise with that mildly attractive guy you’re boning??” as though, you know, her fucking CAREER and AUTONOMY are nothing compared to a coconut with a straw in it and some regular cock. Fuck you, “Bones.”)

It’s been a while since I wrote a blog post, I’m trying to stay on track. Ok, so one of the times that “Bones” totally blew it was an episode where a woman was killed and for a minute they thought it was her stalker, who happened to be this flaky, vegan, tattered-sweater-wearing hippie who was portrayed as kind of mild and sweet and out of it, so not the scary kind of stalker, I guess? You know, the sweet kind of stalker, the kind who just wants to buy you some wheatgrass juice. (give me a fucking break, “Bones.”) And the point of all this is that despite the fact that he was playing a stalker, and despite the fact that the stalker he was playing was clearly supposed to smell like patchouli and lentil soup, I was weirdly, passionately, attracted to the actor, Scoot McNairy:

My bedhead will blow your mind.

What is it about this guy? I don’t know what to say except that he totally does it for me. But, you know, one small part in a problematic episode of “Bones” does not a lifelong passion make. I soon forgot about Scoot, only to be reminded of his loveliness when he was on ANOTHER episode of “Bones” playing the same troublesome character. Look at the sweater they made him wear:

Sir, you’re under arrest for eyeball assault and sweater fuckery. Please come with us.

I won’t even get into that episode. Sooooooo many problems. (they pay him cash to stalk a suspect. what the HELL, “Bones??”) But it kind of solidified this guy in my mind as an Unknown Cutester of Desirous Proportions.

ANWAY, fast forward to yesterday and I was sitting here at my desk, working my little fingers to the bone when it suddenly occurred to me, HEY! You know what I haven’t checked out in a while? GeekTyrant! I had better do that right away in case they are about to disappear off the innernets! And boy, am I glad I did because there is a ton of cool shit going on in nerdtainment right now.

Then, just as I was about to admit to myself that I had been fucking around online for way too long, hey now, will you look at this. Seriously, go look at it and come back.

So. Burrowing through GeekTyrant’s archives is how I discovered that there is a super-secret, super-low-budget, supposedly super-fantastic alien monster movie/love story that is quietly sneaking up on us and is set for release sometime before Halloween this year and that this in-many-ways-super movie stars none other than SCOOT MCNAIRY!!

As soon as I started watching that 2-minute clip (how fucking cool is that, by the way), I was like, “HEY! THAT IS THE HIPPIE STALKER FROM BONES OMG” and so I looked him up, found out his name, and also that there are heaps of adorable pictures of him on the innernets:

My mom styles my hair with spit.

I swear, I only smell like lentils on TV.

So I am an extra 1000% excited for this film now and will keep it on my radar. The bit of googling around I did about it yielded mostly cryptic-yet-giddy enthusiasm generated from a screening of it at SXSW this year. If audiences respond to it as positively as the quiet buzz around it suggests they will, “Monsters” could do for Scoot McNairy what “District 9” did for Sharlto Copley. (get him cast in a hilariously overblown remake of a crappy 80’s tv show? oh well, you know what I mean.)

Mark my words, kittens. Scoot may be the next big thing.

Update: check out the official trailer and an interview with the Scooter himself.


Create a free website or blog at