Put this on the list of things that are NOT APPRECIATED: Penny is all done with the manhandling (slothhandling).
WHY HAVE YOU PICKED ME UP
NO I DO NOT WANT TO DANCE BACK AND FORTH
THIS IS ABOUT TO GET UGLY
RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
Hi folks, sorry for the lapse in posting. My brain was going in three different directions because I was feeling sad about Felix and stressed about finishing up my papers and exams and SUPER ELATED because I’M GRADUATING. Woooooooo! Partay!! Anyway, we’re BACK from a fun-and-near-tragic-death-filled Memorial Day weekend with the parents and since we have tons of pictures, here’s a quick run-down of our adventures.
We poked around and sniffed everything in the garden from beautiful new flowers…
To the thriving kiwi vine….
To the newly-arrived baby arugula….
Then we went down to the dog beach for a pooch party…
Those poodles – Hattie and Guster – belong to my parents. Brother and sister, adopted when they were 7 years old and goofy as hell. Penny had a blast overseeing the activities and making sure everything went smoothly….
Then we went for a walk around the neighborhood…. [I wanted to put a little video here but YouTube is giving me guff]…….encountering many beautiful views….
…….and some oddities…..dogs and cats and birds, oh my!
When we got home Penny pointed out that she’s getting splotchy on her belly again….
She’s pointing with both front paws.
And then we went over to dad’s for shiskebobs and chardonnay.
The next day we drove up to our friend’s farm in Kennebunk. It is mid-renovation but already looking very cool…
After some puttering we decided to walk through the soon-to-be-planted orchards and down to the stream…
Then disaster struck. About five minutes after I took this video, Penny collapsed and started vomiting…
I picked her up and ran back to the house. She was completely limp and I was completely out of my mind. Here we were in rural Maine, nowhere near anything, on Memorial Day. Where could I even take her?? Thankfully, after about an hour her breathing slowed and she picked up her head. She refused water and was still sluggish, but I felt that the danger, whatever that was, was past. So I put her in the sling so she wouldn’t have to walk and we went to our friend’s OTHER farm for a little bit to have some wine and nachos and generally re-group. Our friend whipped up some fresh quacamole in the picturesque kitchen and we took a short stroll around the grounds.
Penny stayed in the sling, napping….
…..while the other animals did their things…..
And now, we’re home! Yay! Penny is still a little down, but doing much better. She even wanted (and got!) her dinner that night, so I think she is going to be fine. Ciao cats!
Felix the Cat, our old curmudgeon of almost 22 years, died on Tuesday. Instead of waxing nostalgic, I’m going to post some old photos and re-publish a post from Fall of 2006 about a little conversation we had. Felix had a good, long life. He killed many a squirrel, irked many a human, and was the king of his territory until the very end.
Felix: “Hey, Sloth, what’s up?”
Sloth: “Nothing, really, I just came to visit for a few days, how are you?”
Felix: “That’s a stupid question. I am completely awesome in every way as always. I’m going to sleep in your lap now because you are the most boring person in the world and you’re allergic to me.” *snore*
Mom: “Did you notice that Felix has a toenail in his ear?”
Sloth: “………He has a what in his what?”
Mom: “He has another cat’s claw embedded in his ear. See it? It’s sticking right out.”
Felix: “No it’s not.”
Sloth: “I thought you were asleep.”
Felix: “I WAS asleep, chatterbox. I do not have a claw in my ear and anyways, I kicked that fucking cat’s ASS. You should have been there, I wrecked him.”
Sloth: “So…..is that how you got the clearly visible claw stuck in your ear?”
Felix: “How would you like a claw stuck in your EYE?”
Mom: “I think he’s feeling a little sensitive about it.”
Fast forward four hours……
Mom: “Hey, Felix, come here a sec, I want to show you something.”
Felix: “Oh, my enthusiasm. It is palpable. What could you possibly – oh, a towel. I love towels. I can sleep on it, eh? And then you’ll put it in Slothy’s bathroom so when she towels off it will make her sneeze? Why does that never stop being funny?”
Mom: “Great idea. Just come here and I’ll wrap you in the towel and hold you in my lap so you can take a nap.”
Felix: “Sweet!” *purrrrrrrrrrrrrr* “Oh! Sloth, hi – I was just dozing here and, uh…..what the fuck??? Dude, get those fucking tweezers away from me, man, I am not even kidding I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.”
Sloth: “Oh my god, this is so gross. There’s too much blood, I have to go get a paper towel.”
Mom: “Get the hydrogen peroxide too.”
Felix: “Yeah, and don’t forget your last will and testament because I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU TEN TIMES IN A ROW.”
Fast forward ten minutes……..
Mom: “Did you get it?”
Sloth: “Almost.”
Felix: “MOTHERFUCKER.”
Sloth: “Got it.”
Mom: “Ew.”
Sloth: “Gross.”
Felix: “Can I still sleep in the towel?”
Sorry to ignore lately, I’ve been frittering away all my time on Facebook. Fucking FACEBOOK because they have Scrabulous and Scramble – shit is crack cocaine.
Here you are – a quick Penny fix. She fixes everything. This works like a flipbook, ready?
Penny’s Bedroom Adventures! Ooh la la!
5 pages:
3 Pages:
And 3 last pages!
Later Cats!
Get ready! 1…2…3…
BAM!
Aw, look at you, all bloody and lying on the floor. Don’t say I didn’t warn you – I mean, I counted to three. But it seems you are still breathing….
KARATE CHOP!
TIGER CLAW!!
PALM OF SHAOLIN!!!
And if that didn’t finish you off, congratulations. You’re the Highlander.
Good morning! The week begins! And to start off, here is a long-overdue Penny-waking-up weedio. It’s not from this morning, however, because this morning is wet and grey and dark and snowy and all-around crappy. It was too dark for a weedio when we woke up. Judging from her shocked and appalled behavior I am guessing that Penny has never seen snow before. She did, after all, pee and poop inside on wee pads when I first got her, so it’s well within the realm of possibility. I put her down on the snowy ground this morning in her little red raincoat and after a pause during which I could actually hear her thinking, “What…….. the……….. FUCKISTHISSHIT” she ran back through my legs and up the front steps. Poor thing. In the end, though, she was a trooper and walked all the way to the bus stop. Go Penny.
I cooked a lot this weekend. I made many salads with lemon shallot vinaigrette and sunchokes and bleu cheese. I made quinoa with garlic and shallots and greens. I made stuffed squash with roasted pine nuts and brown rice and shallots and cheese and other stuff. Yeah, I’m pretty into shallots these days. AND I made one of my very favorite things: roasted peppers!
Have you made these at home? It’s so fun. You just turn the stove burner to a high heat and plop a pepper right on there. Turn it occasionally with tongs until the whole pepper is black and crusty on the outside. It takes about 10 or 15 minutes. When it’s done, toss the pepper in a paper bag, roll it up and set it aside to cool. You can leave it in there as long as you want if you’re cooking other things in the meantime. When you’re ready, take the pepper out and run it under the tap, rubbing the charred skin off with your fingers. You wind up with a gorgeous roasted pepper!
Toss the seeds, slice it up, and add it to your favorite salads, sandwiches, or anything else you can think up.
And that’s your Slothville tip for the day. Have a great one!
Well, it’s that time of year again! Usually I go away for two weeks to the Outer Banks around now, but the house that my family has been staying in out there for 35 years doesn’t take pets. So this year I’m only going for five days because the thought of leaving Penny at home is killing me inside.
My roommate kindly offered to take care of Penny while I’m gone, which, as you will see, is no small task. I’m extremely agitated about leaving her here and the top vacation project this year will be checking out pet-friendly houses for next year.
Here are the Penny-care instructions I have written for my roommate. They’re fairly neurotic. Enjoy!
How to Take Care of Penny-Pie Superdog
Penny eats 3 raw chicken medallions a day. 1½ in the morning and 1½ in the evening, 12 hours later. They live in the white bag in the freezer. Every evening I take out 3 to defrost in the fridge over night.
Morning: put one and a half medallions from the fridge in her bowl and defrost in the nuker for 10 seconds (no longer) to melt remaining ice crystals. Mash the food up and add the following:
The food will disappear into Penny in approx. 1.7 seconds. Do not be alarmed. Top off breakfast with the following:
Now it’s time for walking! I always feed her before her morning walk to get the peristalsis going. Penny poops three or four times every day, so never walk her without a plastic bag in hand or you will find yourself the object of much yuppie-parent-bystander derision. (If you’re only walking her twice a day, take two bags with you every time!)
*When Penny drops a little kumquat-sized poo next to a giant turd left behind by some loser who forgot to bring a plastic bag when walking his doberman, try to resist the natural tendency to despair that there is no point in picking up her tiny poo pellet when there is a much larger problem right next to it. I know, man. I know.*
When you get back from your morning walk, give her one antioxidant treat. She MUST have one of these every single day – it’s the central part of her treatment.
Afternoon: When you get home Penny will be bursting with pent-up energy. I walk her several times a day and she is still a little bottle rocket in the early evening, so be prepared. You can either walk it off with a long stroll (the neighborhood by the high school on the other side of Washington Street is perfect for this) or take her to Griggs Park and see if she’ll play with you. She likes to chase and be chased, especially if there’s a stick involved. There will be other small dog owners on the side of the park opposite the swingsets. Penny will be sort of interested in the other dogs, but she’d rather walk and play with you. Don’t let her over by the kids playground area, though, as she will be very hungry by then and liable to eat a baby.
If you want to take her on a long walk and decide to take any of the foot paths (Gardner Path, Winthrop Path, Rawson Path, etc.), which are really fun to explore, remember that she can climb those steps herself, but must not be allowed to descend them. If you are going down the steps, please carry her (see below in misc. section).
Evening: Penny must eat dinner twelve hours after breakfast in order to get her medication at the correct interval. No defrosting in the nuker required this time and no fish oil. Otherwise, follow the same procedure. Don’t forget to get 3 more medallions out of the freezer for defrosting!
After her evening walk she will not need to go out again until it’s time for bed. You don’t have to put her collar on, just take her outside in the courtyard and she will pee right away and be ready to come back in.
When you are ready to go to sleep, place her in my bed, give her a kiss (DO IT!) and tuck her in with covers. I think she’ll be ok.
Miscellaneous:
Penny can get up the front steps (see next paragraph) and the five steps in the foyer. She cannot get up any of the subsequent flights and must be carried. She must be carried down the stairs as well – all of them – I do not allow Penny to descend steps. Going down stairs is very bad for her luxating patellas (what? Trust me.) and exacerbates her arthritis.
One of the front steps has a big chunk out of it. When walking up these steps with Penny, make sure you walk in the exact spot where the gap is or else Penny will try to go up the steps there and she will fall and hit her head. I know how retarded that sounds, but she does it every time I forget.
When walking, let her sniff around, but be on the lookout for bits of food because that’s exactly what she’s on the lookout for. She hoovers as she goes and will eat anything edible (or even questionable) in her way. Preemptive strikes are better because once she has something in her mouth she will FUCK. YOU. UP. if you try to get it away from her. Unless it’s a chicken bone (deadly) or a giant bagel or something (the other day I looked down to see her dragging an entire slice of pizza), just let her have the little tidbits she finds. But feel free to gently tug her away from something she’s aiming for. It’s important for her to have no carbs right now so bread crumbs and crusts are kind of a bane.
Penny loves:
Penny hates:
Please give her as much love and affection and cuddling as you possibly can (now I’m crying typing this). It’s going to be a difficult few days for her and she will do infinitely better if she feels loved and cared about while I’m gone.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!!
Ok, everyone, have a great week and I’ll be back to posting on Tuesday or thereabouts. Ciao!
They thought she was old.
They thought she was spayed.
They thought she was virtually catatonic.
On all counts they were incorrect. She may, however, be a lesbian.
We loves nap time.
Many more Penny adventures coming soon!
Slow Adventures in Slothville 