Monday Mini (Featuring James Badge Dale & Gavin Rossdale)

So I was waiting at the bus stop this morning because it’s too hot to walk to work today – this fucking air, it’s like trying to breathe through a wet washcloth – and this *unbelievably* attractive man comes running by (all sweat and tendons and perfect teeth) with a huge brown hound of indeterminate breed on a leash.

Coincidentally, he sort of looked like this guy:

My hounds wants to sniff your skirt.

Who, while we’re talking about it, is totally the poor man’s this guy:

My widow's peak will fuck your widow's peak up, Badgefro.

I mean, check it:

SEXYFACE

EXTRASEXYFACE

And also:

Skinny is the new hot.

Your head-to-body proportion is mildly surprising.

So, anyway, this guy’s big, sweet dog was all, “I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY AND STICK MY COLD, WET NOSE UP YOUR DRESS WHILE I’M AT IT” and the dude was all, “I’m so sorry! Buddy, stop it!” and I was all, “It’s ok, he smells my dog” and the dog was all, “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” and the dude was all, “You also look exactly like my girlfriend.” And before I could say, “Why is a hot piece like you dating a short, tubby sloth who hasn’t shaved her armpits in four days?” they were gone. But, hey, there may be hope for me yet, non?